


Ain't it a Sin

by MsMK



Series: F/P/S-Cest [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AU where they grew up in a small town in the bible belt, Alternate Universe - Religious, Bad Christians, Bad Dad Gaster, Best Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, Good dad swap Gaster, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Modern Era, Period-Typical Racism, Racism, Religious Guilt, Rus is not okay, Small Towns, Spicyhoney - Freeform, Violence in the name of God, boy next door
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:09:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27712522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMK/pseuds/MsMK
Summary: Living in a small town where everyone trusts the word of God above everything is hard enough when you're a monster. When you add being gay to the list?Yeah, no, Edge is fine, thanks. He'll protect his best friend Rus with his life, from anyone, but that doesn't mean he's gay.....is he?A Coming of Age/Coming out story with themes of religious small town gothic and homophobia. Chapters will have more specific tags, this fic will be heavy with religious themes and a candid exposure of life as a closeted gay teen in the Bible belt.
Relationships: Papyrus/Papyrus (Undertale)
Series: F/P/S-Cest [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1386517
Comments: 76
Kudos: 103





	1. Confession

Growing up as monsters among humans was an experience in itself, but doing so in a small town? With Bible thumpers on all sides of the line and discrimination being practically expected, it was any wonder Edge hadn't hitched a ride out of town with Red when he left. But he'd been little, then, and he hadn't understood the choices Red had made, didn't understand it wasn't much of a choice--he only remembered that Red had given him a notebook detailing all his hiding spaces and potential ones, and promised him he'd come back one day.

Their father never spoke of it, at least not to him. There was talk around town, of course, that Red had chosen a life of sin, scary accusations that Edge might be the same. But they were stifled quickly--nobody talks for long when his father gives that Look, and Edge wasn't about to raise any questions himself. Instead he just held onto that notebook, told only his best friend in the whole world about it, the only person he could trust. He told Rus, and together they collected Red's meagre tokens, old toys and notes and it was like a treasure hunt that led to the best hiding spot either monster had ever seen.

The thick bushes between Edge and Rus' houses had a hollow space inside, and it was perfect for meeting. They'd hollowed it further, they'd added lights and chairs and even managed to smuggle in a whole card table with the help of Stretch's newly-acquired teleportation ability. They played make-believe there, pirates and wizards and knights and war, and when they grew older they played cards and pranks. Even though Edge visited less and less, even though they hardly talked at school anymore, they always met there at least twice a week to catch up and shoot the shit.

Gotta have someone you can talk to, else this town will do you in. That's why Edge's father was always chatting with Rus', and that's how he found out exactly why his brother left.

The porch pillows and picnic blankets were a somewhat recent addition to the space, recent meaning in the last few years. Rus had set up a resting space one day when they were 17, Edge had assumed it was for napping where he can't be found, but he'd surprised him by asking him to join him. They lay together, looking up at the light trickling in through the leaves at the top of the gigantic shrubs (less gigantic now that they were older) and laughing about any old thing that crossed their minds. Edge remembered vaguely thinking it might be a special day, that that moment was worth remembering.

"i have a secret," Rus said, stretching his hand towards the trickling beams of light. "it has to do with your brother. m'not sure if you know or not but i heard our dads talking about it a few nights ago."

Edge looked over at him curiously, his gloved hands resting on his chest primly. He wondered how Rus could stand to wear a long sleeved sweater in the hot southern weather, but it was a tiny buzz of a thought compared to the intrigue he had presented.

"I don't know much about my brother, except that he left," Edge offered. "Tell me."

"...your old man kicked him out," Rus said, looking over at him. Soft white eyelights buzzed with a curious twinkle, with a twist of concern. "because he was in love."

"In love?" Edge asked, sitting up on one elbow, giving him his full attention. "Why would Pops kick him out for being in love?"

"why does anyone kick their kid out for being in love around here?" Rus grumbled. "s'cause he was in love with a  _ man _ ."

"...Oh."

Edge furrowed his brow, processing that information. He did recall his brother had a good friend, Grillby, who had left town the same time he had. Did they strike out on their own after being turned out by their families? A well of anger spat in his chest, directed at his father--sure, the man had never been the most doting, not like Rus and Blue's father, but he'd still seemed to care about them to some extent. To find that a simple thing such as loving a man was why he'd grown up alone was icing on the cake with his resentment for his father, whereas his deep-seated resentment of his brother lifted some.

"That hardly seems a reason to kick your own child out," he scoffed. "Useless old bag, I can't wait to move away from him."

"...so you don't hate him? your brother, i mean?" Rus asked, softly, almost scared. "you don't think it's wrong to...like men that way?"

"Please, Rus, I may go to church but you know I don't believe half that ridiculousness." He looked down at Rus curiously, watching the relief roll off his shoulders.

"so you...wouldn't be mad if...i also like men?" He squeaked. "like, don't get me wrong, girls are nice, i like girls, too. but i also, i just...i don't know? i haven't told anyone yet, and, and, maybe everyone will hate me but i thought, if you knew about your brother, if you could still like me, then maybe i can handle it--"

"Rus, slow down," Edge demanded. Rus stopped and closed his sockets, covering his face and Edge hovered over him, unsure of how to approach. "Rus.  _ Rus _ . I...look at me, you idiot."

He peeked up through his fingers (with that boyish charm, and hadn't Edge noticed he was charming more than once?) and his eyelight was shaky and wide, afraid and waiting. Edge tried to ignore where his wrists poked out of his sleeves, the thin lines making it all too clear why he was dressed so warmly today.

One problem at a time.

"There is very little you could ever do or feel that would make me dislike you," Edge reassured him. "It took a great deal of courage to tell me this, Rus, thank you, I'm...I'm honored to be the first one."

"really?" He whimpered, clasping his hands. "like, really? for real? you don't hate me? you don't think it's a sin?"

"Rus, working on the sabbath is a sin and my father runs the shop every day of the week. Wearing mixed cloth is a sin and yet this shirt is a polyester/cotton blend. Coveting your neighbor is a sin and yet I sit here every week wishing I had a family half as wonderful as yours, Rus, there is no sin on this wretched world that could ever make me hate you." Edge's eyes flicked to the friendship bracelet on Rus' wrist, worn by time and the colors faded but still red and orange knots tied clumsily by his own hands. "I'm not certain, but...I don't know about men but I'm not interested in women. To hate you for liking men would be contradictory in every way."

"but--" Rus sputtered, sitting up in a hurry. Edge backed up a pace, chuckling as he invaded his space just a tad. "you're dating muffet!"

"I  _ kissed _ Muffet," he corrected. "Didn't much care for it, actually. No feelings there. Have yet to kiss a boy so perhaps I don't like either."

"you could kiss me," Rus offered, and Edge looked away, fear beginning to bubble.

"I don't...I don't know, Rus. What if my father sees?" He glanced at the well-hidden opening of the hiding spot. "If I get kicked out of my house, we'll never see each other again."

"edge, in all the years we've lounged in this spot, nobody's  _ ever  _ found us," he pointed out. "you don't have to, but it's safe here, that's why i told you here."

"If I don't like it you're not going to get all weird on me, are you?" He teased, raising a brow. "We're not in some teen movie, you know."

"we've navigated the weirdness of unflinching friendship thus far," Rus said with a shrug. "like you said, there's not much you could say or do that would make me hate you."

"I'll think about it. I'd feel better if it were a day my father was out." He touched Rus' hand, gentle, just slightly, and he drew his fingertips softly up until he could see the tiny, criss-crossing scars littering his wrists. "...and there's this, as well."

Rus snatched his hand back, a nervous laugh as he tugged the sleeve back down. "well, i dunno. went through a lot of self-loathing to get to the point where i accepted it enough to tell you. you know, i just, have a lot to figure out? but...thanks for being willing to figure it out with me. you won't tell anyone, about any of this, will you?"

"On my honor," he agreed, crossing his chest with his pinky. Rus beamed and did the same, a remnant of their days as kids in this very spot. "I'll think, and we'll meet here after Church on Sunday as always."

"okay," Rus agreed, flushing a sweet honey orange like the peaches that grow on the trees in their yards. "promise y'don't think i'm disgusting for wanting to?"

"That's not it," Edge chuckled. "I promise. If you feel the urge to hurt yourself, please don't hesitate to call me."

"you got it," Rus chuckled, shooting him some finger guns before disappearing.

Edge sighed, leaning back into the generous pile of porch pillows. It was a wonderful addition to their fort, he truly enjoyed it and Rus needed a place to rest without getting caught--he'd always had low HP, though Edge and Rus' family were the only ones privy to that knowledge. In the older times, before he was born, when monsters lived underground, CHECKing another was as normal as saying hello. But it must have been seen as an invasion of the soul, of the spirit God gave you, or something ridiculous like that.

He ran his fingertips over his scars, remembering the "accident" that caused them. The four human teenagers ganging up on a young, fragile Rus--they must have seen him as a threat, just because he was tall for his age. Ridiculous, as Edge had once seen Rus cry over the thought that plants might feel pain when he picked them for flower crowns. Edge had stepped in, still a child himself but used to defending himself against his brother and father--Red had constantly tried to "toughen him up" for the inevitable day their father found him a threat and had taught him all manner of defense in case the old man ever got drunk and belligerent. It was only too bad Red had to leave before he'd taught Edge everything--he still doesn't know the extent of his magic abilities, naturally the church forbade the practice.

It wasn't the teens that had injured his socket that day, but rather an adult who had attempted to "beat the devil out of him" afterward, so afeared of his shimmering magic that they would resort to such tactics on a child. It was the only time his father had ever stepped in to raise a hand against a human, and he remembers spending months away to recover on Old Gerson's farm, away from Rus and the angry churchgoers.

He thinks that's when he started to doubt his faith. If God was so good and loving, why did his followers hate and hurt children just because they were different? He isn't certain that he doesn't believe, but he certainly doesn't believe in the church in this tiny town and the way it's people act.

He believes in Rus, though. He remembers how hard he tried to heal him in the moment, even after watching what was done to him for using magic. He remembers the tears Rus cried when he finally came home after months away. He sees everything, sees  _ him.  _ Even though they have different social circles at school it doesn't mean Edge doesn't see when Rus puts up posters after school, when he comforts someone in the hallway, when he gives an eclectic speech during English on the imagery in Catcher in the Rye.

If Rus is bad, then he doesn't think their definition of good is even valid. If Rus loving men is such a sin that Rus would think himself unworthy, that he would hurt all on his own and fear to tell anyone, then maybe sins aren't all that terrible.

In any case, Edge has never had a crush in his life and he doesn't think a kiss will change that. Perhaps he's just sinful in his own way, then, he thinks as he finally trudged into his house. His father is watching television, of course, still covered in streaks of oil and grime from working the auto shop all day. His attention is elsewhere and he barely grunts out a hello to his only remaining son. Just as well, Edge may live in a decent neighborhood with lovely neighbors but no amount of spit-shine can make a turd sparkle. His dad isn't a good father, plain and simple, but that doesn't mean he can't be a good son.

"Don't you think you've had enough tonight?" Edge asked, before clearing the empty bottles from the table. "Doctor Dings next door says you should cut back on the drinking. You'll weaken your soul at this rate."

"Doctor Dings ain't always right," his dad grunted. "He raised a tart 'imself."

"I'll thank you not to speak of Rus that way," Edge warned him, taking the half-empty beer bottle from his hand. "It isn't a crime to be sensitive. You should try it sometime and maybe you'll have family to speak of when you're old and dying of magic thinnage."

"I'm right," his father grunted, crossing his arms but noticeably not reaching for another beer from his cooler. "Just you wait, that boy's gonna come out and move t'the city and bring back all that flamboyance when'e visits."

"I don't care. Rus is a good monster. End of conversation." 

Edge turned to straighten the table, swiping chip crumbs from it. He doesn't remember this place being so messy when Red was still around--he supposed losing his eldest, even by his own hand, had wounded Gaster in a way that even he didn't see.

"You aren't hanging around that boy, are ya?" Gaster hummed behind him. "Close as kids, you two, but I'm glad you left him and his nonsense in middle school where it belonged."

Edge breathed deeply, clutching the crumpled bag of takeout. He remembered very clearly the day his father told him to stop hanging around Rus. Well, told was a strong word, more like ordered.

Apparently coming home with a handmade flower crown from his best friend and matching friendship bracelets was too much for his father. But all he'd done was distance himself socially--where people could see. He wasn't about to deny himself his best friend for the sake of a man that doesn't remember half the things he says.

"I was thinking of an easy dinner tonight," Edge offered, swiping the trash into the trash can. "You should shower, Pops, and I'll have spaghetti ready when you're done."

At the very least, his father took the change of subject gracefully, shrugging as he stood, and soon Edge was alone in his thoughts.

No, Edge had never had a crush, and definitely not on Rus. Definitely, definitely not his best friend, his confidante, not the monster whose smile warmed his day and whose friendship bracelet was tucked carefully inside his gloves every morning. Definitely not the one he'd taken gruesome beatings for and would do so again, no feelings at all for the one who he held secret meetings with after school in a bush.

No. Definitely not.

That would be a deathwish.


	2. An Act of Charity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus has other things on his mind than buying a new car, but Sdge is exasperated that he still has his old one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the start of something but it turned into kinda a little one shot within the series! Just a little bit of the boys interacting and melting our hearts 💕 
> 
> Warnings: internalized homophobia

"Is everything alright, bumblebee?"

Rus smiled up at his dad as he tied his shoes. "m'fine, dad, why?"

"I don't know, it's just...you never stick around long after school anymore. Blue and I miss you on game nights, you know."

Rus stood and stretched with a sigh. "m'just helpin' around the town, you know, odd jobs. gotta keep that car running somehow, right? when i get paid dinners on me, okay?"

His father chuckled. "Alright, if you insist, but please remember you can tell me anything. My door is always open."

"will do," Rus promised, before heading out into the humid early summer weather.

He took a deep breath, the smell of jasmine and peaches filling his senses--graduation was so close, but closer was Edge's birthday. Even closer still was the promised potential kiss, and regardless of how it went he wanted to make sure he got Edge the perfect birthday gift. He already knows he won't be invited to the party--it wasn't any secret he wasn't in Edge's social circle, he understood he was only keeping up appearances for his father but it didn't mean it didn't sting sometimes.

So he'd probably leave the present in the fort until Edge could find it, and text him later that it was there.

He hoped the kiss goes well, though. Nervous excitement was aflutter in his nonexistant stomach as he climbed into his old faithful orange hatchback, wondering if in two days' time he'll be elated or crushed. Rus can only imagine how hard this step will be for Edge--he's spent years battling it himself, he's got the scars and tear-stained crumpled up notes to prove it. But his family is supportive and kind, and Edge had been, too. Rus was far from thriving in his own bones but acceptance, it seemed, wasn't too far from his grasp. Edge had none of the advantages he did, had no wiggle room in his house and knowing his brother's fate only sealed his own if it turned out he liked men.

But Rus can't help himself, he's been in love with Edge since the day he protected him at his own expense, and as much as he had tried to ignore his blooming feelings it just wasn't something he could stop.

Kinda like a car with shitty brakes, speaking of which--

He trundled to a stop in the driveway of Aster's Auto Repair, the car making a choked noise of confusion and stopping jerkily in place. He went with the movement just enough to not break his collarbone, threw it into park, and mercifully cut the engine.

Edge was already outside by the time he climbed out of the patchwork seats, and he gave him a salute.

"hey, boss."

"I could tell the time by the sound of this wretched thing pulling in," Edge sighed, throwing a stained towel over his shoulder and resting his hands on his hip bones, barely peeking from beneath a tank top that stuck to sweaty ribs aaaand Rus forced himself to look up as Edge continued. "What is it this time?"

"mostly the brakes, but, you tell me what's the most urgent, huh?" He offered, tossing his keys. Edge rolled his eyelights but climbed into it, making a visible face of horror when he saw the jury-rigged CD player and AUX cord he'd added since last time.

He pulled it into the garage.

"I don't understand why you bring it to me when you're a whiz with mechanical monstrosities," Edge muttered as he popped the hood and climbed back out to investigate.

"cars are different, more complicated. m'about the clockwork and math stuff, simple machines and wiring. if i made a car it wouldn't be safe to drive."

"This is already a hulking metal death trap," Edge pointed out, leaning over the open hood to peer inside. "Every time I fix this contraption for you I have nightmares for weeks of you dying bloody in it. Christ, is this duct tape?"

"stopped the clanging," Rus explained sheepishly.

"Because your pistons can barely move," Edge snapped, peeling the tape back. Rus chuckled as he leaned in, cursing quietly as a few pieces fell off in his hand.

He stepped back to let Edge work, peering around to the other half of the garage to stop himself from ogling Edge while he worked. Acceptance doesn't mean he's going to broadcast his sexuality to the whole town.

"how's baby?" He asked, lifting the tarp on a car in progress. Cherry red paint sparkled back at him.

"She is fine," Edge called back. "Afraid she isn't going anywhere until I get some new cylinder heads. Things are damned expensive, though, and Pops pays me pennies to work here. Found a local dealer could have it here in a week but he wants $850 for it and I'm already strapped after buying new belts."

"shame." Rus dropped the tarp over the 1969 Pontiac Judge, imagining it rolling down the street and the smile on Edge's face when it started up with a purr for the first time. He'd been rebuilding it since he was 12 and when it was finally done it would be amazing, he was sure. He'd always said it would be finished by the time he turned 18, but with that looming a week away it didn't seem likely.

"It's fine. At the very least I know what's wrong with it," he said, straightening and turning to him. "And yours as well."

"great, what's the damage?" He asked, rocking on his heels.

Edge sighed, gesturing to the car. "The whole car is a screaming metal death trap, you have three oil leaks that I can see, a crack in the cylinder head, a headlight out and that is only what I can see after three minutes looking at it. In my professional opinion you should sell it for scrap and buy something safer, something with seatbelts that aren't stapled together in the middle and an actual radio not made out of gum wrappers and rubber bands."

Rus shrugged. "yeah, but a new car is expensive, why buy one of those when you can patch me up until it dies?"

A sigh, and hands on his hips again, really, is he _trying_ to get Rus to look there-- 

"Your car isn't even worth the repairs. Your father is a doctor, can't he get you anything better?"

"dad's got enough bills to worry about already with blue looking to go to college to be a doctor, too. just tryna run it till it dies before i ask." He shoved his hands in his front pocket. "can you fix it?"

"I can patch it up for another few weeks but I bet you'll need me again before that," he grumbled, wiping his hands on his jumpsuit tied around his waist. "What about all your jobs? I hear all the time that you're handy-manning it all around town, don't they pay you?"

"how much?" He pressed.

"My dad isn't here, so I'll do the diagnostic free. But to patch it up enough to drive somewhat safely…" He trailed off, sighing and looking up at him in exasperation. "If I fix it for you this time, do you promise to save for a safer car? If I make it a project on my own time then Pops won't make you pay."

Rus blinked at him, stuttering out in surprise. "y...you'd do that for me?"

"Of course I would, if it will keep you safe and lead to you getting rid of this hunk of junk--oof!" Edge stumbled under the weight of Rus' unexpected hug, returning it with a huffed laugh and an awkward pat. "Alright, get off, and get out of here before my father sees you."

"you have _no idea_ how much this helps me, edge, seriously," Rus said, backing away and clasping his hands in thanks. "thank you. thank you, thank you--"

"Go!" Edge urged, chuckling and shaking his head as Rus finally turned and left, practically skipping away down the street towards downtown, pulling out his phone.

Without that bill, he had a certain birthday present he was sure he could buy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edge being a mechanic 🥰  
> Edge being a mechanic and fixing his best friend's ride for free so he can possibly buy a newer safer car 😍❤


	3. A Sinner in Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Church on Sunday, and what comes after...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long-awaited Sunday! And some plot for you all!
> 
> Warnings: mentions of self-harm, description of self-harm marks/scars, internalized homophobia, manipulative parents

Sunday rolled around with startling quickness, and as always, Rus woke to the sound of his brother cheerfully shouting at him to wake up and get ready.

He dragged his feet through the morning routine, diverting course only to put on the nicer clothes he saved for Sundays. Today it had been carefully selected with the thought of what might be to come after Church, and he plucked at the sleeves of the orange dress shirt nervously, wondering if they hid his cuts enough. Surely nobody but Edge would be looking for them, but he still didn't want any questions--hopefully they'd heal quickly and he could put them somewhere easier to hide next--

No. He shook the thought away, gripping his wrist gently. The pain was dull, slightly healed, and he didn't press too hard. He remembered the look of gentle concern on Edge's face when he'd mentioned them the other day and he wasn't looking to make him make that face again.

No next time. 

Anyway. Church. Smiles. He practiced in the mirror, shooting some finger guns at his reflection. Hopefully he didn't actually look that tired, but even if he does, Church is so early that nobody would judge. He smoothed the front of the shirt down, patted off his nice khakis, and he was ready to go listen to another sermon he doesn't want to hear.

He really hoped today was something about cell phones being the devil or something, instead of homophobic bullshit. It was a risky emotional roulette to play but he would bet money that they won't talk about homosexuality two weeks in a row, so, you know.

He spotted Edge almost immediately in the crowd as they all shuffled in, sitting with Muffet, Undyne, and Asriel. He thinks some of the humans with them might be part of their circle, too, and it's a step in the right direction--twenty years ago, his dad says nobody would let their kids sit with the monsters at church, that there was a cordoned-off section for monsters in the back. Today the visible line is gone, but people are still a little hesitant to cross it.

He sat with his dad and brother, of course, hardly listening to the sermon. Something about acceptance of the sins Jesus died for, that we are imperfect for a reason, blah blah...if they really believed that then he wouldn't be so nervous about today.

If they really believed that then he wouldn't have these cuts on his wrists. He twisted his pamphlet in his grip, the dusty scabs on his wrists itching like crazy, like a cruel reminder of the world that taught him to hate himself so much. Well, joke's on the world because Edge doesn't think Rus is disgusting and that's all Rus needs.

The end of Church couldn't come fast enough, and it was hard to get himself to walk about socializing like normal. He chatted with Alphys for a bit about something vague, they never could talk science here that much so they never talked as much at church as they did at school. It was an agonizing 30 minutes before people started disappearing from out front of the church, before he saw Mr. Aster heading off towards town instead of home to open the auto shop.

"when's dinner, dad?" He asked, catching Edge's eyelight for the briefest second before looking away.

"6:00. Be back by then and help me with the salad, hmm?" His father hummed, patting his shoulder gently before returning to his conversation with Mrs. Connors.

His feet barely hit the pavement around the back of the church, past the bushes as he sprinted towards home. His teleporting was a new skill, but he wasn't dumb enough to do in front of God and everybody. It wasn't until he was safely behind Mr. Abernathy's gigantic hedges that he took that shortcut, stepping directly into their hedge hiding place between their houses. It would take a bit longer for Edge to get here, he doesn't have that little trick, but Rus didn't mind being early.

A little bit of magic wicked away whatever condensation had gathered on the pillows and blanket in the fort, a handy trick he'd actually learned from his little brother. Nobody likes a wet bus bench, Blue had told him.

He clicked on the lights, twinkling from all around the hedges, battery-powered but still lasting since they were young.

He can't believe Edge is going to be 18 this year. He is, too, in only a few weeks, and that was insane to him. He had a magic inventory he'd been tinkering with, and in it rested a heavy, expensive, perfect present, all wrapped and today he would give it to him, regardless of what happens.

He fumbles with the buttons on his shirt, unbuttons it some as it gets warm. He kicks on the little magic-powered travel fan, hoping to get a breeze going inside the fort. Last thing he needs is to smell like BO when trying to kiss his childhood friend/first love.

Sound outside the hedge surprised him. It certainly wasn't Edge's light footsteps, definitely not, and voices caught him off guard.

"No post on Sunday, Mr. Aster," drawled the voice of the local mailman Andrew. "Could get in a lotta trouble for this."

"I know, but thanks for bringing it, Drew." That was definitely Edge's dad, and Rus peered through the bushes to see a large red envelope exchanged. Mr. Aster shook Drew's hand, and Rus' quick eye caught the exchange of bills and also Edge's name scrawled across the front of the red envelope in big, messy letters. "I'll be in the garage in twenty, so bring your boy's car around and I'll take a look."

Drew left, and Rus watched Mr. Aster as he opened the top of the outdoor trash and just...tossed the letter in. Like it wasn't something he'd bribed the mailman to bring to him directly. Why would he do that?

He waited until he left, waited a tick, then another...he heard the distant sound of Mr. Aster's truck and listened until it grew so distant he couldn't hear it anymore.

Then he was next to the trash, pulling that letter out, and then instantly back in the fort. He had to see it closer, what odd behavior, why would he--

...oh.

The return address was scrawled with _Red and Grillby_ and an address in California. The red paper envelope was stamped with several stamps, and from the weight of it it must be a birthday card. Was Edge's father intercepting Red's cards and letters to Edge? Was he that afraid of Edge following in his footsteps, that afraid of Red?

The familiar crunch of big boots on sticks and leaves had him rushing to shove the card in his inventory. Maybe he should just give it to Edge, but he didn't know yet what was the best move or when.

"Hope you weren't waiting long," Edge sighed, ducking beneath the well-known path of branches and into the space. "For some reason Pops asked me to open up the shop today, some sort of errand he had to run before he came in."

"no, it's fine," Rus said, plopping onto the picnic blanket and patting the space beside him. "c'mere."

"Did you make the flower crown Mary Lou was wearing during hymns today?" He asked as he obliged. Rus chuckled and nodded. "I thought so. Nobody makes them like you do. A whole town so afraid of a sensitive man and yet they all turn to him when they want something done right."

"i don't mind it, they're fake flowers so i got a good payment for it for the permanence." He waved it away like it wasn't important, and Edge caught his hand, pulling it closer to him.

"...I want to discuss this before we do anything," he said, gloved fingertips running gently over healing cuts. Rus let him roll the sleeve up, looked away from his despairing face when he saw how far up the arm they went. "Rus. Please."

"it ain't easy being told who you love makes you a sinner," he said swiftly. He tried to pull his arm back but Edge's gentle grip kept him in place. "i won't do it anymore. not if you don't think i'm disgusting, i can live with it if you still…"

He choked off the words _love me_. He wanted to say it but it would be refuted anyway. Edge's eyelights may say the words, but he doubts he knows that.

"Promise me this is the last I'll see of these," Edge said softly. "I need you to promise that...even if I don't like this kiss, you won't hurt yourself."

"...promise," Rus mumbled, shakily swiping his pinky over his chest in an 'x' motion. "i promise, edge, so long as you won't think i'm bad for liking it."

Edge mirrored the motion, an x over his chest, and Rus sighed with relief. He gripped the front of Edge's shirt, clean pressed black linen, and his whole body begged for a kiss as Edge cradled his elbows, pulling him in.

The kiss was slow warmth, and Rus felt a shudder go through his body and oh, yes, it felt perfect, it felt like a missing piece. Edge's mouth was hot, tasting heavily of spice and the apples from the tree in front of Miss Maisy's house down the street. A soft noise and did he imagine it or did Edge melt a little? Did Edge pull him closer? His hands slid up to cup Rus' cheekbones, and oh, his tongue swiped over Rus' and Rus could faint, he really could faint, the knees he was kneeling on could buckle any moment but Edge's kiss would be too perfect a taste to lose.

It was over too soon, though Rus would probably think so no matter what, and he opened his eyes to find Edge looking back at him, still holding his face, still flushed with magic and oh, he _is_ beautiful.

But the moment passes, and Edge draws back, clearing his throat and looking away. "There. I told you. Nothing."

Rus stared dumbly at him for a long moment, positive he misheard him. "...what?"

"I felt nothing," Edge said, standing all-too-quickly and turning away. "I don't like men, that's all. And you know I'll always care for you, Rus, but it's just facts, I'm not gay and that's that."

"bullshit!" Rus cried, jumping to his feet and grabbing Edge, turning him. Edge looked away. "oh, for fuck's sake, edge, i was there, too, you can't tell me you didn't feel that just now."

"Well, I didn't, so I can. You promised me you wouldn't be upset," he said, closing his eyes. "Let me go, Rus. We can't make you straight, you can't make me not. Let's accept it."

"but, you just...we just…" Rus whined in exasperation, bringing his hands to his skull. "you...you really didn't feel that? you didn't feel that at all?"

Edge shook his head and Rus' soul plummeted down, down, practically to the ground. It's possible he'd misread it, since he so desperately wanted it. It's true, it's possible that spark was imagined from the desperation to not be alone in this, from how much his soul fucking _ached_ for Edge.

"not at all?" He squeaked, his hands coming up to cradle his elbows. He squeezed his sockets shut against the mounting tears. "...okay. okay, it's okay. it's...fine."

He flinched away from Edge's outstretched hand touching his shoulder, the rejection burning inside him. Hastily, he pulled the gift and the letter from his inventory, spilling them out onto the table.

"um...your dad paid the mailman to give this to him directly and threw it out." He handed it to him. "i saw it, just now. and uh…" He gestured to the huge wrapped box. "happy birthday."

"Rus, don't leave--"

It was too late. Edge was talking to the hedge, Rus was gone from where he'd stood.

Edge sighed and fell into the chair by the table, burying his face in his hands.

That couldn't have gone worse. Of all the stupid things to lie about! Was he so afraid of loving another man, so afraid of losing his father that he could hurt Rus like this? Because that kiss had been amazing, oh, he'd tasted of honey and Georgia peaches and there was nothing sweeter than his smile and blush. Edge felt things during that kiss, things he'd never felt before, affections so strong and persistent that he'd gotten scared and denied it all.

He looked up at the present and envelope. Even after all of that, he had still done this for him. Ignoring the mysterious card, he ripped the paper on the box, and--

Tears pricked his sockets as he pulled out a cylinder head, made specifically for a 1969 Pontiac Judge GTO. The box had all he needed to make his dream come true, to finish his car before his birthday.

"You idiot," he choked out, to nobody in particular. "This must have cost you a fortune."

His handwriting curled across the lid of the box, doodles of Edge in his car and people swooning.

_pay me back by giving me a ride sometime._

_~Rus_

He bowed his head, resting it against the box.

God forgive him, even if they can't be together, even if he can't say it out loud and can't admit to it, even if he will never have him--

He loves that boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonder why Mr. Aster doesn't want his son to get letters from his other son *shrug*
> 
> Also poor Boss, he's so far in the closet that he can only barely admit it to himself and refuses to admit it to anyone else, even Rus.


	4. The Other Cheek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus is not okay, and Edge trying to make it better is only making it worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bumpy ride ahead...
> 
> Warnings: Bad dad Fell Gaster, mentions of self harm, depiction of physical bullying, Internalized Homophobia

Rus is fairly certain he's never cried this much in his life. His sockets stung badly, as he lay in his bed, curled around himself with his television playing SNL reruns loudly to cover the sounds of his sobbing.

His very _soul_ hurt, ached like he'd never felt, his heart was _broken_ and he never knew it could feel this way. He'd prepared for the possibility that his feelings wouldn't be returned but everything had seemed so perfect, had pointed to Edge liking him back and he doesn't know what to do with himself.

He still looked like crap when he dragged his bones to school the next day, no matter how much he scrubbed at his cheekbones he could still see the faintest outline of tears. Great, just what he needed, to look like even more of a pansy at school, he was lacking in that lately, he thought bitterly.

He slid gloves over his boney fingers, pulled them tight up his arm halfway to the elbow. It wasn't unusual for skeletons to wear gloves to school, sometimes their bones freaked people out and they were requested to cover them for the sake of those learning around them. Edge wore gloves practically all the time, so nobody would be surprised by Rus' gloves, and it would cover the marks. No new ones, he'd made a promise, but he didn't want to talk about the old ones, either.

He dodged his dad at breakfast, faking lateness and zipping out the door. Dr. Dings has an innate distress radar with his children and Rus wasn't looking to set it off today. It was a long walk to school without his car Old Faithful, but he wasn't about to text Edge and ask if it was done, no sir. He could probably stand to not see Edge for a few weeks, thanks.

He pulled his hood up against the whispers as he walked down the hallway--he was used to this, people gave him odd looks a lot. If Edge didn't look so fearsome, if he wasn't almost constantly carrying a wrench or other necessary tool for the handiwork the teachers sometimes ask of him, then he might get the same treatment. Monsters may be integrated but true tolerance was far off yet.

Great. Someone defaced his locker again. He sighed, twisting the combination and retrieving the cleaning cloth and spray from inside. They'd had better insults than "Sissy-boy" but it didn't mean he liked to look at it. It took some elbow grease to remove, he's only lucky they didn't use paint, and when it was done he picked up his planet magnets from where they'd been tossed to the ground, likely by the culprit. He reattached them, thankful at least they'd left them this time. He was getting tired of buying new.

"Hey, Ding-Dong!"

Rus grunted as someone jostled him, braced himself to keep from slamming against the locker. It proved futile when they followed through to make him slam into it anyway, his skull bouncing slightly and his head swimming momentarily. His backpack fell to the floor and he could hear his books clattering out.

A chorus of mocking laughter followed and he groaned, fuck that hurt, he only has 5 HP, don't they realize how easily they could fucking kill him? Of course they don't, he doesn't exactly _look_ fragile when he stands at 6 foot 7.

"Hey! Hands off!"

"Oh, fuck," one of the voices muttered. "It's the fish beast. Let's go, Darren."

Ah, Darren, of course it was, he should have known. The meat head always picks on him, like he's got some kind of radar system for when Rus is vulnerable. Their footsteps retreated and within a minute he was face to face with Edge's friend, Undyne.

"You okay, nerd?" She asked, bending to help him with his books.

"...not really," he grumbled, rooting through his locker for one of the protein snacks his dad always packs for him. Monster candy in disguise and he eats it with a huff, sitting with his back against the lockers. "thanks for the assist."

"No problem, Dings," Undyne chuckled, zipping his bag and handing it to him. "M'faster than Edge but that's probably good, he looked about ready to kill 'em."

He looked up to see Asriel talking to Edge, who did indeed look about ready to kill someone, his own locker door bent unnaturally beneath his grip.

"Rus! Are you a-alright?" Alphys squeaked, pushing through towards her locker next to his. "I'm sorry, I saw it but I didn't d-do anything, I'm, I'm a bad friend--"

"Hey, don't beat yourself up, shortstack," Undyne reassured her, straightening and clapping Alphys on the shoulder. "No point'n making him mad at you instead. See you around, nerds!"

She patted Alphys' shoulder a moment before leaving, and Rus sighed, groaning to his feet and turning to his locker to look into the mirror hanging inside. The bruises were already starting to form on his jaw and cheekbone, curse his fragile body. His dad's gonna ask questions and he won't have answers.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, a text from Edge on his screen.

**SkeleNextDoor:** Janitor's closet. Now.

 **(xxx):** y tho?

 **SkeleNextDoor:** Please

He sighed, closing his locker. "see you in science, Al, I'm gonna go see what I can do about these."

"I'll, um, I'll cover for you," she answered as he walked away.

The closest Janitor closet was never really used, but still an odd place to meet. Edge usually ignored him at school, and even when he was bullied he didn't check in until they were walking home.

Still, it didn't mean his touch was unwelcome when he got there, Edge gripping his chin to check his bruises himself, eyelights laser-focused pricks of red. 

"What an oaf," he grumbled. "Can't he find anything better to do than to pick on you?"

God, how exhausting it all was, frustration boiling up inside his chest at this gentle touch, as if he hadn't just rejected him yesterday, as if he wasn't partially responsible for how much Rus gets bullied.

"if you cared you wouldn't pretend not to know me," he grouched, shoving Edge's hand away. "if it mattered you'd hang out with me and they'd leave me alone, instead of only stepping in when people can't see."

Edge huffed, brows knitting in frustration. "Rus, of course I care, I just...don't need more reasons for my father to dislike you."

"yeah, yeah, you care a whole lot, mostly about what your dad thinks," he grumbled. "first you say you feel nothing, then you swear you care and touch my face like i'm made of gold, then you say daddy doesn't like me much and you know what? i'm getting a lot of mixed fucking signals here. if you want me then fucking tell me, if not, then leave me alone. life's hard enough for me without you stringing me along."

"Stringing you--Rus, kissing you was _your_ idea, you'll recall--"

"yeah. and it was a mistake." Rus looked at a leaking paint can on the shelf behind him, avoiding his gaze with a sigh. "i thought...i thought if you just didn't hate me it would be enough, but after kissing you i...don't think it's enough anymore. maybe it will be with time, i don't know? but right now i...just need some space. okay?"

He stumbled back over some mops, groping for the door handle.

"Rus, wait--"

Rus flinched back away from his hand as he reached for him. "just leave me alone!"

He turned the handle as he shouted it, slipping on a discarded flyer and spilling them both ass over end into the hallway, Edge's hand still gripping his shirt as he reeled to catch himself before he fell on him.

The students in the hall cleared away from them quickly, and Rus cursed quietly. So much for staying in the closet, literally, God, this is not how he wanted to come out--

"Break it up, break it up!"

Two male teachers immediately began wrestling them apart, Mr. Henson with an arm around Edge's shoulders, dragging him away from where Mr. Pitcher moved to stand between them, his blue eyes dragging slowly over Rus' disheveled appearance as he stood. Lingering on his bruises.

"Got you good, didn't he, son?" Pitcher said, indicating his face, and Rus touched it, eyelights flicking up to Edge.

They thought they'd been fighting, that Edge had struck him.

"...yeah. pretty good," he mumbled, wiping his mouth for affect. "don't think i got a good shot in, myself."

"Not surprising when you're up against a wrestler, son," Pitcher reassured him. "Henson, take these boys to the office and call their parents, I'll speak with the principal about this display of testosterone." He waved Rus on, looking over at Edge, whose eyelights were still trained on Rus. "M'sure you understand, Aster, but you're gonna be suspended from the Wrestling team for a week. You know this kind of behavior isn't allowed."

"...Yes, Coach," Edge said quietly, eyelights finally casting down. "Do we really need to call my Pops?"

"Afraid so, buddy," Mr. Henson said, gripping his shoulder obviously a little too tight. "You boys know there's no fighting at school. Save it for the walk home next time."

* * *

"Fighting!" Dr. Dings cried out, exasperated.

Rus stared at the floor of the principal's office, pointedly not looking over at Edge, refusing to check and see if he was looking at him.

"Care to explain yourself?" Dr. Dings huffed, rounding on his son. Mr. Aster sat with his arms crossed, not even speaking to or looking at his own son. "Of all things to be called here for, you're _fighting?_ With your situation, Rus, it should be the furthest thing from your mind!"

"sorry," he mumbled, eyelights drifting to the laces of his shoes.

"And with Edge, of all people. For goodness sake, what happened to you boys?" Dr. Dings sighed, looking over at Edge's father. "Care to input, Gaster?"

"Nothin' I see fit to say in front of others," Gaster said, shooting his son a look. Edge huffed and rolled his eyelights, muttering under his breath. "Boys fight sometimes, I think a week off the team is a bit harsh."

"A bit ha--look at my son's face!" Dr. Dings gestured to Rus, who groaned and slumped further in his chair, pulling up his hood. "Edge knows how severely he could have hurt him. Rus is delicate--"

"That's one word for it," Gaster grumbled. "Pansy's another."

"Pops!" Edge growled, a warning, and Dr. Dings huffed and bristled at the implication.

"E-excuse me?" He demanded.

"Well, Dings, maybe if'n you didn't coddle your kid, he wouldn't be so damned delicate," Gaster offered, gesturing at Rus who groaned louder, drawing the strings on his hood to tighten it around his face. "Boy needs to toughen up, Dings, keepin' him sheltered in a fantasy world with his flowers ain't gonna do him any favors."

"You want I should do like you, then? Make him grow up too fast, waste his youth? Pretend my son doesn't exist unless it's for cheap labor at my work?"

"Dad--"

"Stay out of this," Dr. Dings warned him, and Rus quieted, hearing the tone clearly. Now he finally chanced a glance at Edge, who looked back at him with apologetic sockets. Neither of them had meant for this to happen.

Gaster stood, standing close to Dr. Dings, his jumpsuit creaking as he crossed his arms. "I'll raise my boy my own way, thanks much."

"You'd better be careful, Gaster," Dr. Dings huffed. "He's the only one you have left. Rus, we're leaving."

Rus scrambled up and followed his father out, grabbing up his backpack and looking back at Edge for half a second before the door swung closed.

They were halfway home in full silence before Rus spoke up.

"that wasn't a very nice thing to say to mr. aster, dad."

His dad sighed, his grip relaxing on the wheel just slightly. "I know. I lost my temper, God forgive me. But I just can't...he drove his oldest away and yet here he is, repeating the same mistakes with his youngest! It drives me insane to watch history repeat itself."

It was quiet a few moments longer, and then his father sighed again.

"You don't think I coddle you, do you?" He asked. "I'm not stifling you, am I? I just don't want to make the same mistakes I see Gaster making, I just...I'm so afraid of losing you boys."

"you can be a bit much but i don't think that's always a bad thing," Rus said with a shrug. "just...some things aren't for the parent to decide. we might leave anyway."

The car pulled into the driveway and his father put it in park, turning to him.

"Come here, let me heal that."

Rus leaned over, closing his eyes as the familiar feeling of his father's healing magic warmed his cheekbone. The ache went away, and he assumed so did the bruises.

"No more fighting," his father said sternly, when he opened his eyes again. "Please."

"yeah, got it, delicate and all," he sighed, backing out of his hand and unbuckling. "i'll do my best to keep out of fisticuffs."

"And really, with Edge of all people," his dad sighed as he got out, locking the car and leading the way inside. "You used to be such good friends."

"...yeah. yeah, we were," Rus agreed, staring at his feet.

Until he ruined everything by asking for a kiss, they really had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters keep getting filled with so much stuff because my brain keeps going "make it more, build this world, I wanna see how x works here" so yeah. It was supposed to be a one-shot *shakes fist at the sky*


	5. Love Thy Neighbor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus may be grounded, and he may be mad at Edge, but if you think that's gonna stop him from enjoying a ride in Edge's finally-finished hot rod on his own damn birthday, then you're crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys, ahhhh it was supposed to be a one-shot Janice WHY
> 
> Warnings: internalized Homophobia, homophobia

Suspended in the last semester of Senior year, what a joke. It wasn't as if they were doing anything terribly important with only two months to go. Rus sighed, twirling the pencil in his fingers as he looked over his absentee math work, wondering how much of his homework packet Edge had gotten through.

It must be killing his dad to make him sit up here doing homework on his birthday. Birthdays were usually a big deal, especially the 18th, and his dad hadn't stopped himself from making special pancakes slathered in honey for breakfast. But his party had been postponed until he wasn't grounded anymore, until next week when he'd be able to rejoin the others at school and on his best behavior.

So no further celebrations were planned for today. His dad looked about to waver a few times, but he told him it was fine to wait until the party for cake and presents.

Edge, on the other hand, wasn't grounded at all. From what he gathered when Gaster came by the other day, Edge was spending his week working at the shop, which in some form could be seen as being grounded, Rus supposed. But far as he knew he could still go out at night, and spending all day getting paid for working on cars wasn't exactly a punishment for Edge.

He was conscious of his mind wandering, to that argument on Monday. It's Friday now, and Edge hadn't texted. He supposed he shouldn't complain, he'd asked for space, but the space hadn't helped him figure out his own head. His mind often wandered to that kiss, guiltily indulging in the memory, remembering the brief feeling of euphoria before it all came crashing down.

A noise drew his attention, something clattering against his window. He looked up curiously, but nothing was there. He was about to look back when the clatter happened again, the culprit a pebble clinking against the glass.

Could be Alphys, here to wish him a happy birthday from a distance. He wandered over, pushing his windows open and peering down.

Oh.

Definitely not Alphys.

"what are you doing here?" Rus whisper-shouted down to Edge, who dropped the pile of pebbles and dusted off his gloves.

"You said to pay you back, I should give you a ride some time," he explained, shaking a set of keys. "Come on, Baby's waiting."

"i'm grounded," he protested weakly.

Edge chuckled. "Oh, please. When has that ever stopped us?"

"fair point. two minutes."

He rushed to his wardrobe, pulling out a thin sweater in his signature orange, the hood big enough to drown in and the material soft as could be, pulling it over his tank top. His door creaked open, and he froze, blue eyelights peering in.

Blue looked at him, freshly in a sweater, and then the window, open wide. Then back at him, a brow raised and a knowing look beyond his 16 years.

"don't tell dad," he pleaded. "please. i'll do all your chores for a week."

Blue hummed, tapping his chin. "TWO WEEKS."

He chuckled, relaxing. "two weeks. thanks, bro."

"I'LL TELL HIM YOU'RE TRYING TO FINISH ALL YOUR HOMEWORK TONIGHT SO THAT TOMORROW CAN BE A FAMILY DAY," he said, pulling the door along behind him. "TELL EDGE TO DRIVE SAFE."

He scoffed, not even going to ask how he knows it was Edge down there. He pulled his shoes on quickly and turned to climb out the window, long limbs gracelessly tumbling through the small space. He would teleport, but he's had mixed results with doing it on alternate planes, he might fall right out of the air. Nah, the better option was to shimmy down the lattice as usual.

His shoes hit the dirt and Edge waved him on, and he jogged after him past the neighbors behind him to the next street.

Oh, Baby is  _ gorgeous _ . There she sits, cherry red in the late evening light, perfect in every way and reflective of the hours Edge spent toiling to get her running.

"oh, edge, she's beautiful."

"And she runs," he chuckled, walking around to the driver's side. "Thanks to you."

He climbed in as soon as the door was unlocked, smiling like an idiot. Things might not be perfect right now but this was something they'd talked about since they were kids, the first drive in Baby, and where they would go.

"where we goin'?" He asked, buckling in and admiring the sleek interior. Restoration had been so meticulous, so perfect.

"I was thinking Gerson's," he offered. "Not one of the big three, but the beach, the city, and a road trip are bit long for this evening."

"gerson's is good," he agreed. The road was long and the drive would be gorgeous, but not so long they would arouse suspicion. He could still be home before daylight.

He rolled the window down and leaned back, letting the warm evening air roll over him, just enough breeze to keep it from being stifling. In a month it would be unbearably warm even at night, but that doesn't matter right now. Right now it's perfect.

As they exited the town, Edge turned the radio up, content not to talk if that was what Rus wanted. The signals got a little static at parts, but for the most part you can always find something to listen to.

"d'you remember the last time we went out to gerson's together?" He asked, distracted.

Edge chuckled. "I do. We ate so many blackberries we got sick, and you vomited purple junk all over his slippers."

"I meant the other part," he grumbled, swatting at him.

"...The promises," Edge said, and he was smiling, soft. "I remember."

"we promised we'd always be together," Rus said quietly. "we promised that yucky girls would never come between us--"

"Mary Lou certainly did try that year, Christ, that girl was after your tailbone like a hummingbird on jasmine."

"--and that we'd never fight over something stupid--"

"Well, in my defense, who could have predicted the 'pop tarts are ravioli' argument?"

"--and that we'd always help each other through our hurts."

Edge reached over, brushing his hand gently, almost a pat, not quite a hold, before returning it to the wheel. "I  _ am _ trying. I just don't think either of us considered the possibility that the hurt might be one of our faults."

Rus stared at his hand, the slight buzz of Edge's touch still lingering, and he pulled it back to his chest, clasping it with his other hand. "...yeah. threw me for a loop."

Rus closed his sockets then, and the radio filled the silence. It was twenty minutes more before the car slowed, turning down a familiar bumpy dirt road. He didn't realize he'd been dozing until he felt a gentle shake, rousing him from the grasping hands of sleep.

"Come on, I want to show you my next project."

Rus nodded, that made sense, now that Baby was done it was only natural Edge find another car to restore. He sat up as Edge opened his door, accepting the extended hand to pull him wobbily to his feet. He flushed a little when Edge didn't let go, pulling him along behind him. Gerson's farm was up on the hill, but the old man had a junkyard of sorts down here that always had something worth picking.

"Just over here," Edge insisted, pausing as Rus stumbled slightly. "Come on, pick up your feet, I always tell you--"

"slow down!" Rus laughed, and Edge stopped completely, and oh, that smile--

"There you are," he said softly, squeezing Rus' hand gently. "I knew Rus was in there somewhere."

Oh, fuck, just end him now, that had to be the cutest thing he'd ever fucking heard and it was so unfair. He couldn't  _ stop _ smiling after that, his face warm with a blush as Edge took his other hand, tugging him along gentler this time.

"Over here, look. Isn't it perfect?"

He rounded a corner of junk and--

"...huh."

"Do you like it?" Edge asked, dropping his hand in favor of sliding behind him to grip his shoulders, leading him forward.

"i mean," Rus chuckled, letting Edge push him toward the old Volkswagen Beetle. It looked in decent condition, the inside was all restored and it could use a coat of paint but nothing was rusting off. A SlugBug as the kids in town would call it. "it's awesome, but...it isn't really your style."

"No, it isn't, but that's alright. It's not for me." 

Edge pushed him to the door and Rus was barely turning back to ask what he meant when he was tossing a set of keys at him. Rus fumbled to catch them, looking from the car to the keys to Edge.

"...what?"

"Happy birthday?" Edge shrugged, a smirk on his skull. "Go on, try it out."

"wha…" he stared a moment longer at the Beetle, and then turned back to Edge in exasperation. "you! you couldn't afford your cylinder things for baby because you were spending your money on this!"

Edge rolled his eyelights, closing the distance and taking the keys, unlocking the car himself. "Baby is lovely and I love her dearly, but she is replaceable.  _ You _ are not. A good, safe, reliable car for you was far more necessary than finishing Baby and get the fuck in before I make you."

He let Edge manhandle him into the driver's seat, chuckling and shaking his head. "does it run?"

"Not properly, quite yet, but once we sell your death-mobile to Gerson here, we'll have enough for the parts it needs still." Edge paused, watching as Rus ran his fingertips over the beige interior, the faux-wood paneling and white piping, the 8-ball stick shift. "...do you like it?"

Rus reached over and punched him on the arm. "i love it, obviously! this is too much!"

Edge chuckled, moving with the punch. "I think you find that isn't so. Since most of the parts were available for free from Gerson's junkyard, and you've more than paid for the shell with the ludicrously expensive parts for my car, and add to that the money we'll get for selling your old car, I think it's more than fair."

Holy crap, a car, a real car, and it isn't stapled together in places. Edge built it with his own two hands so he knows he can trust it, it's kitschy and cool and retro and holy fuck he  _ loves _ it!

His smile fades.

"...won't your dad get all weird if he knows you got me a car?"

"What Pops doesn't know won't hurt him," he argued. "Been working on it here at Gerson's, he's got no clue. He knows I've advised you to sell the old one, and he'll just think you took my advice. I had a line on a car you might like, you paid me for it, and I bought the cylinder heads I needed for Baby. It's just good business. Everybody's happy."

"well, not quite." He smirked up at him. "think y'could add one of those old luggage racks to the top? now  _ that _ would be perfect."

"There isn't much I wouldn't do for you, Rus," he said sincerely. "You'll get your luggage rack."

Rus climbed out of it, taking back the keys to lock it up. He realized with glee he'd already put it on his keychains, little polymer pizzas and burgers jingling as he turned the key to lock it.

"I'm thinking a dusty orange for the paint," Edge hummed, as they started back towards where Baby waited. "Unless of course you like it looking super old and peely, I know that's your thing."

"orange is good," he chuckled, sliding his hands into his front hoodie pocket and watching his feet as Edge started to list off the handful of things still left to do on the Beetle.

He noticed when Rus paused, cutting off mid sentence and looking back at him curiously. "Is everything alright, Rus?"

Rus shook his head. "m'fine, it's just that...you didn't have to get me a car, just spending this night with you and driving around in baby woulda been enough of a present. kinda miss being us. you know?"

Edge softened, and oh, that's why he fell for him, he knows it, that face right there, that genuine surprise and slight blush.

"Well, then, get in, because the night is still young," he said, gesturing to Baby. "There's a few more hours left to be just us."

Okay, maybe they'll only ever be friends, maybe Edge won't ever love him the way he does, and maybe he'll never be anything but a secret, but there's one thing Rus can never truly doubt, and that's that Edge really does care, he really does value Rus. Hopefully one day that will be enough.

For now, it is.

Rus hopped into the passenger seat, smiling in spite of his scars, and he opened his mouth to find out where they're going next--

Only to find himself being dragged by his sweater, across the middle bar of the front seat to meet Edge in the middle, his mouth very suddenly occupied in a heavy, spicy kiss. Rational thought was a distant memory almost instantly, and he scrambled to get a good hold on Edge in return oh, oh, there's no  _ way _ this feeling is all in his head this time, no fucking way that Edge didn't mean to moan and no chance that tongue wasn't 100% deliberate.

"edge--" he managed, only to be shushed insistently, their mouths meeting again, softer, as Edge's grip loosened on his shirt, hands sliding down to pull him in.

They stayed like that a few minutes more, pressed together, enjoying the slow tingle of each other's magic. And when they began to part, Rus actually whined, tightening his grip on Edge's t-shirt.

"You're getting mixed signals because I'm giving them," he said breathlessly, his sockets half-lidded as his gloved fingertips ghosted over Rus' skull, touching his cheekbone and jaw so lightly. "Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of this, of giving in, of...of loving you. My father would kill you if he saw us like this, it wouldn't take more than a single hit, Rus, please understand I want nothing more than you and me and this feeling, but I am fucking  _ scared _ of it."

"i'm scared, too," Rus said, his voice quivering slightly. "it's scary, edge, loving you so much--"

"Hush," Edge cooed, and they kissed again, and oh, oh,  _ oh _ , Rus is gonna need a mop because he's sure he's turning to jelly. But it was over quickly this time, Edge's breath ghosting over his neck as he tugged him into a hug. "I...thought about this since Monday. About you and me, and all of it, and I lied to you back in the hedge, Rus, because I  _ did _ feel it, how could I  _ not _ feel it, and I ran away because I didn't want to end up like my brother, you see? I couldn't end up like him, because your father was right. I'm the only son he has left."

Rus held his breath. It was too good to be true, again, Edge is going to tell him he can't, they can't, he's going to choose his father over him and honestly he feels awful for making him make that choice--

"I'm not ready to give up on my old man just yet," Edge said firmly. "But it doesn't mean I have to give you up, either. Rus, let's...let's be us, like this, just be our little secret for a little while longer, I'm begging you. I'm not ready to come out--"

"me either!" Rus rushed to say. "me, me either, no, ha, that's far off. bein' a secret sounds perfect."

"Thank Christ," Edge sighed, shoulders slumping in relief. "I promise I will be ready someday to show you off proudly but I...I'm still proud of you but being proud of myself is a lot harder."

"i know the feeling," Rus cooed, tipping Edge's face back up, looking into those crimson eyelights and smirking. "edge, i'll be a secret forever if it means you love me."

"I'll try not to keep you waiting that long," he chuckled, and then they were kissing again, and oh, it was perfect, like a movie--no, it was better than a movie, better than any country song on the radio, better than anything he could think of.

Out here at Gerson's farm, hidden by trees and piles of junk, safe from everything inside the car Edge built with his own two hands, they could be together without any worries.

Just them.

Edge broke the kiss just barely long enough to look at him fondly, a smirk playing on his face and oh, he is so unfairly handsome--

"Happy Birthday, Rus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! YESYESYES MY BOYS  
> I'm so happy for them, it's a step, man


	6. Where is Thy Brother?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge still has a card to open, and some things to sort out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you guys are invested in these boys, I hope to bring you more adorable stolen kisses and angst and fluff!
> 
> Warnings: abandonment issues, sibling issues, bad dad Gaster, homophobia, skewed view of LGBT from living in the bible belt

It was probably around three in the morning when they finally got back to town, and Rus wished he could kiss Edge just one more time, oh, he would give anything...but there were eyes everywhere, even if they think nobody's looking, so he climbed up to his room alone, texting a good night when he got in and pulling the window shut.

It felt as if his head had barely hit the pillow when Blue came bounding in, cheerily dumping him out of bed and declaring a family day. Several hours of games and karaoke later and he managed to beg off for a nap. His dad patted his head and told him he was happy to get some time with him, and then he went back upstairs to flop on his bed with a groan.

Finally free of family time, he pulled his phone out to check for messages.

**SkeleNextDoor** : Good morning, I hope you got some rest.

**SkeleNextDoor** : I'm at the shop all day today but I'll see you at church tomorrow, and hopefully after?

He hummed contentedly, tapping a quick "ofc" in reply. He wasn't sure how mushy he should get over text, Gaster seems the kind of dad to take his kid's phone and read his messages. So for now it would have to be PG and far between, until they came up with a few more excuses to spend time together.

But that's okay, because Edge loves him, and as long as he knows it that's all he needs.

* * *

"just open it!" Rus laughed, leaning back against Edge. "if i'da known you'd wait so long i woulda opened it myself instead'a giving it to you."

Edge tightened his arm around Rus' waist, pulling him closer and dipping his head to grumble against the side of his head. "Patience is a virtue, and I'm allowed to have reservations about my estranged brother."

Rus turned in his grip, slinging his legs over one of Edge's where he sat in front of him and holding up the red envelope. "open it, it's good, i'd bet money on it."

"Would you bet kisses?" Edge teased, plucking it from his fingers.

"hmmm, i don't play games with those," he chuckled as Edge opened the envelope, pulling a card out. He paused before opening it, and then held it far away from both of them and opened it facing away.

Good thing he did, too, because a spray of glitter came out, along with a weak trumpet sound, covering a section of leaves in their hedge fort in craft herpes.

"how did you know?" Rus asked as Edge shook the card out, getting the remnants of glitter out before pulling it back.

"I don't remember much about my brother, but if there's two things I know, it's 'Never trust an Aster' and that he loved pranks." He hummed as he read it, pushing Rus away when he craned to see.

Rus whined and tried to dodge his deft hands. "come on, don't keep me in suspense, what does it say?"

"It says...he's sent me a card every year for my birthday and he'll stop this year if he doesn't hear back. He misses me, he hopes I grew up into a fine young man and that Pops isn't too hard on me." He paused, reading it again, and again. "...he says he and Grillby are still together and that if I wasn't already aware, they are getting married this Winter. He...wants me to be there, says he'll save a best man spot for me if I come."

Rus took the card from his contemplative boyfriend, reading it over. There was a number scrawled at the bottom, and a picture of (he assumed) Red and Grillby taped to the back of the card. He pulled it off, studying it.

They didn't really look "gay", or how Rus and Edge had grown up to think gay men should look, but then again Edge didn't "look gay" either. Red was stockier than Edge, much like Blue was to Rus, with broad shoulders and a shiny golden tooth. He was holding Grillby close for a selfie, Grillby's purple flames sparkling in delight. They were dressed in regular clothes, they weren't flamboyant or crazy...Rus knew this was how it could look, the internet had been helpful in its supply of many different kinds of couples, but to see it on a face he knew and somewhat remembered, a face that shared so many features with Edge's dad...

"Is that them?" Edge asked, and Rus handed the picture over, giving Edge some silence to look it over. "He's...smiling."

"duh?" Rus snorted. "that's what you do in pictures."

Edge waved his hand impatiently. "No, you don't understand. Red never smiled. He was angry most of the time. I remember a lot of him and Pops fighting, a lot of brushing me off when I asked him to play, but not smiling. Never smiling, at least not often. it's so sincere, he looks...happy."

"well, yeah, he said he's getting married, what's there to not be happy about?"

Edge started to respond, but his jaw clicked shut and he slid the picture back into the card and shook his head.

"what?"

"It's nothing."

Rus snorted. "yeah, okay, like you can hide anything from me, c'mon."

Edge sighed, staring at the cheesy clipart on the front of the card. "I don't know, maybe I just...I always thought he was miserable out there. Not that I wanted him to be, but...I thought he had to be, because...I was miserable without him. I thought at the very least that he would... _miss_ me. Maybe enough to come back. Maybe enough to…"

"...to send you a card on your birthday?" Rus pressed. "to give you a way to contact him? to invite you to be best man at his wedding? edge, your brother loves you, it's your dad kept you from seeing it."

"If he loves me so much, then why did he leave me behind with _him_?" Edge snapped, before obviously rethinking his words and looking away, sockets closed.

"oh...ohhh, edge," Rus cooed, kissing his temple and leaning into him. "he didn't abandon you because he wanted to. he was only a kid himself, younger than us."

"Well, he should have waited!" Edge cried out, crumpling the red envelope in his hand. "He'd been in the closet for fifteen years already, what was a few more until he could take me with him? And why didn't he come _back_ for me? He left me with a drunk and a bigot, in this stupid town with it's stupid rules and I could have...could have grown up without all this _hatred_ inside me, without all this _resentment_. And if he thinks a phone number and an invitation to his wedding is enough to fix that, he's dead wrong!"

Rus shushed him softly, pulling him closer, and Edge tossed the crumpled envelope aside and hugged Rus tight, hiding his face in the crook of his neck and taking in his scent, grounding himself.

"He's wrong," he repeated, his voice cracking slightly.

"yeah," Rus said quietly. "but if you think i would have let him take you from me, then you're wrong, too, edge. there's no power on this planet could ever keep us apart, not your dad, not god, and especially not your brother. right?"

"I wouldn't have left you," he agreed. "No, I wouldn't have done that. But he could have at least _tried_."

"could have, didn't. s'up to you if you wanna hash that out with him, though, right? no rush. you've got six months to decide if you're gonna go, yeah?"

"...Yes," he sighed. "Yes. I do. If I do, will you come with me?"

"in a heartbeat," Rus said swiftly. "but again, that's up to you. be hard to explain us going away on a trip together."

"Cross that bridge when we come to it," Edge sighed, leaning back.

Rus squeaked as strong hands flipped him onto the pillows on his back, his view of the trickling sunlight through the leaves obscured by Edge as he leaned down to pin him with a kiss. 

Oh, yes, this is nice, a distraction maybe, and the topic was still hot for debate but Rus would allow it, would allow wandering hands to smooth over his sweater vest curiously. They'd always been free to be themselves in here, in this fort, where nobody could see. Where Rus came out, where they first kissed, where Edge finally talked about his brother, and that's not even all the things they'd done over the years in this fort that would be iconic in his mind forever.

Edge pulled back a moment, watching Rus' sockets open slowly, eyelights hazy as he blinked sluggishly, desire obvious in every fiber of his being, in his honey-orange blush and the way he reached for him to bring him back down, and oh, he _is_ beautiful, so much more beautiful than any other monster, any woman could ever be. His best friend, his _boyfriend_ , his to hold, his to kiss, _his Rus_ , and oh, it felt wrong to want it, as if he didn't deserve him somehow, as if he was dirty or tainted and shouldn't be allowed to touch him like this, as if Rus were a masterpiece in a museum and the oils on his fingers would ruin him forever.

"How could any God make you so beautiful and then turn around and say you aren't worthy?" Edge asked, mostly to himself, and he was delighted when that blush deepened, accompanied by a nervous little chuckle and Rus looking away just slightly, so _beautiful_ in each movement.

"m'not sure it's god says i'm bad," Rus said thoughtfully. "i think it's men."

"Not all of them," Edge pointed out.

"you don't count, you're my boyfriend," he chuckled.

"Hush," Edge demanded gently, following it with another press of his teeth, and oh, Rus felt a rush of arousal and he shuddered, moaned--

"Oh! Oh, wait," he said weakly, breaking the kiss and covering his face. 

"What? Did I hurt you?" Edge asked, concerned, retreating and Rus curled up with a little chuckle, shaking his head. "What's the matter, then?"

"i, uh...got a little...excited," he admitted, sitting up and scooting back, shoving his hands in his lap to hide the dull glow of his formed magic.

"Oh." Edge's eyelights traveled to follow his hands down, then back up to Rus' face with a fierce blush. "Oh! Well, hmm...isn't that the point?"

"was that a pun?" He laughed, and Edge rolled his eyelights. "but, um, yeah, i mean...i just got embarrassed, i think? i don't want to stop kissing, but, you know, i felt a little…"

"Shameful?" Edge offered. Rus nodded, looking at his fingertips as he fidgeted against his khakis. "I understand. I...got a bit excited myself when we were up at Gerson's, and I almost took you home right then. We were a little less...horizontal, though, so I just didn't say anything."

"...are we sinners, edge?" Rus asked suddenly. "is this wrong? it doesn't... _feel_ wrong, and your brother, he looks happy, but…"

Edge caressed his chin gently, and Rus followed it into a soft kiss. "Any sin necessary to stay with you, Rus, I will gladly commit. But if you need to slow down, we can, I didn't...I never want you uncomfortable, I wasn't _trying_ to--"

"turn me on?" Rus chuckled. "yeah, not exactly your choice even if it was your fault. you don't think it's gross, though, if i get a…?"

"A boner?" He chuckled. "Two puns in one day, you're a lucky man. No, I don't have a problem with it if you don't, I guess I just...maybe we should set boundaries? I've never been in a relationship before, I don't know what the protocol is."

"i haven't really, either," Rus admitted, though it wasn't news to either of them. "um...i'm, i guess curious? about sex? but i don't think i'm ready...for that. sex before marriage _and_ being gay seems an awful lotta sins rolled into one."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for it either, if it helps," Edge reassured him. "Not for the same reasons, I honestly don't think I even believe in all this sinners and saints horseshit anyway, but just...it's new, and exciting, but the last thing I want is to go too fast, or push you too hard, or hurt you somehow. And I absolutely don't want to have any shame attached to it, you aren't anything to be ashamed about but like I said, I'm still working on myself, so I want to be sure about it, sure I know what I'm doing and know you're ready, too."

"yeah," Rus hummed, rocking back and forth in his spot a bit. "that makes sense. but...we can still…?"

"Kiss? Oh, absolutely," Edge laughed, appreciating Rus' boyish charm as he laughed in return, tipping his head up in anticipation with a hint of a smile on his teeth.

Edge didn't keep him waiting, kissing him again, and again, and oh, it's perfect. He's perfect. And all _his_ , he can't believe it, and there's a part of him that still screams this is wrong, that they shouldn't do this, but Edge ignores it. He may not be ready to admit it to the world, but he can admit it to himself and Rus, and that's all he needs.

Later, in his room, he'll slide the letter into the hidey-hole in his room, a loose floorboard near the closet that has a stash of monster candies, some pictures of his brother still slightly singed from where he fished them from the fireplace, and a very withered flower crown that still buzzed slightly with Rus' good Intent. And in the morning he'll get up, and start the agonizing task of pretending he doesn't desperately love Rus with everything he has.

But right now they're just two boys in love in the summer heat, and his kiss tastes so sweet that he can't bring himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh Edge is learning, he's getting there, but when you're trying to survive an abusive home forgiveness can be hard to come by.


	7. Sight to the Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge has an idea on how to spend more time together, and Rus has some suspicions about his boyfriend's vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this story is coming from at this point, these boys are writing themselves. The next thing I have actually planned is the exact end of the fic but there's at least 5 more vague ideas and storyline to wrap up before then haha
> 
> Warnings: doctor visit/vision exam, slight depiction of bullying

"Y-you're in a good mood," Alphys stammered as Rus put his books away in his locker. "You...you didn't even get a birthday."

Rus chuckled, catching his blush in the mirror. "uh, it was a good birthday anyway. and i'm just ready to be back."

"Hey, Ding-dong!"

Rus braced himself for the shove...but it never came. Curious, he turned around.

Oh, uh, okay. He doesn't know what he expected, but Edge standing between him and Darren was not it.

"Darren, I see you're doing your slack-jawed ancestors proud," Edge said cooly. "Now, unless you have some sort of genuine business around these lockers, I suggest you move along." There was a beat of silence, and Darren looked at Rus and Alphys, then back to Edge. "Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear, the implication is that I will  _ make _ you."

"You just got back from suspension, you won't fight me," Darren scoffed, hiking his backpack further up on his shoulder.

"You'd like to test that theory?" Edge asked, sliding his hands into his pockets. "I'd say bet me, but I've seen  _ and _ smelled your father's car when it comes in and I'm sure you haven't a fold of milk money to your name since he clearly spends it on drugs, and women that aren't your mother."

"You little--"

"Ah, ah-ah," Edge said, lifting only one finger to stop him. "I also happen to know you're only one fight away from expulsion yourself. If you've got even a single dream in that lonely brain cell of yours of getting out of this town, I suggest you move along like I asked."

What the hell is he doing? They may be dating now but fuck, that's still a secret, they're still supposed to hardly even talk. It's nice, and it makes butterflies flutter in his chest but holy  _ fuck _ , defending him is suspicious as all hell.

Darren and company finally huffed, grumbling excuses as they dragged themselves away, and Edge turned to him, face a stone wall of stoicism.

"Coach told me I needed to apologize properly before I could rejoin the team," he said. "Hope you don't mind me taking out the trash on the way?"

Oh. Okay.

Rus swung his locker closed. "...yeah, s'fine. thanks, but you don't have to apologize to me."

"I do, actually, because I also, eh...have a favor to ask you."

Rus raised a brow, exchanging glances with Alphys, who was watching the whole exchange with wide eyes. "what kind of favor?"

"Well, see, I'm...I'm not doing so well in a few classes and with my recent wrongdoings Coach is being stricter with his academic requirements for me to wrestle. I need B's now in Science and English and let's say I've been skating just above a D for several months and have no clue where to start to get that grade up." His eyelights met Rus', and God, he hopes he isn't blushing in response to that intense eye contact. "I need a tutor. Please. I'll give you a discount on that car you were thinking about. I can't miss out on my last year's wrestling finals."

Sneaky bastard. Did he somehow weasel these requirements out of Mr. Pitcher or is this some sort of happy accident? Whatever, Rus isn't about to complain about a perfect cover.

"i'm the only one you could think of?" He sighed, hoping he sounded properly exasperated and reluctant.

"The only one who's good at both and needs something I can offer," he said, and Rus wondered if the amusement in his sockets was obvious to everyone or just him.

"fine. but it better be a good discount," he grumbled, trying not to smile like an idiot. "you'll need my number, i guess."

"Suppose so." Edge sighed dramatically, handing over his phone, and Rus went in and texted himself a smiley face. Of course they already had each other's numbers, but eyes are everywhere and the dance was necessary. "I can't join practice unless I ace tomorrow's tests, so you'd better be ready after school today."

"demanding," Rus huffed. "you know where i live, obviously. see you whenever you get there."

Oh, how he wanted to kiss that scowl right off his face, that slight smirk threatening to turn up at the edges. "See you, Dings."

Edge walked away, heavy combat boots hardly making a sound against the tile. He'll never understand how he walks so quietly.

"Oh my God, R-Rus, do you know how many fanfics st-start with tutoring?" Alphys squeaked. "You two are walking t-t-tropes!"

Rus snorted, shouldering his backpack. "it's just tutoring, al, don't get excited."

* * *

"i didn't realize you  _ actually _ needed tutoring," Rus chuckled, poring over Edge's returned tests and papers to get an idea of where to start.

"And I wasn't expecting you to go straight for the papers," Edge sighed, slumping against the wall where he sat on Rus' bed.

Rus rolled his eyelights, picking up the papers and getting up, plopping himself down in Edge's lap on the bed while he looked them over. "better?"

Gloved hands rested on his hips as Edge kissed his shoulder softly. "Very much so."

"the good news is, your math is good," Rus observed, thumbing through the papers. "looks like your weakness lies mostly in memorization of terms, names, and dates. if we use my flashcards we should be able to help you remember these a little better. been a while for me since i'm in chem this year, not bio, but i think i still have my flashcards somewhere."

"Have I told you that you are a master of dirty talk?" He asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"hey, if we want this ruse to work then you'd better get good grades tomorrow, right?" Rus asked distractedly, setting aside the science papers and going over his English work. "...these are mostly simple errors, but there's a lot of them. no offense, edge, but you've gotta be blind to…"

He paused, before turning around so fast that Edge reeled back in surprise.

"What?" Edge huffed.

He stiffened as Rus reached up, gently touching his scarred socket, and now that he was looking, didn't that eyelight look just a little bit fuzzier than the other?

"come with me," Rus said suddenly, papers flying as he grabbed Edge by the wrist and slid off the bed.

"Hey, wait--" Edge protested, scrambling after him, out the door and down the hall, bursting into his dad's study.

"dad!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" Dr. Dings squeaked, his own papers flying around as he startled. He turned around, confusion evident on his face. "...do you need some help with tutoring, Bumblebee?"

"daaaad," Rus whined, flushing at the embarrassing nickname. "ix-nay on the umblebee-bay, huh? and no, we need your doctor skills. look."

He pulled Edge into the room and gestured to his scarred socket. His dad's expression tightened, likely remembering the incident. "Yes, uh, there's not much I can do about the scarring at this point."

"what? no." He pointed more specifically. "look at his eyelight. it's fuzzy. i think he might be blind. or half-blind."

Dr. Dings stood, leaning in to investigate a little closer. Edge tried to keep still as the doctor turned his face, looking over his glasses at him. "Hmm. When was the last time you had your vision checked, Edge?"

"I don't know," he said. "You're the only doctor I see."

"Preposterous, I haven't seen you since you were...well, very little. Are you telling me you haven't seen a doctor since then?"

Edge shook his head, and oh, he sees where Rus gets his exasperated look from, and also his grabby hands, as Dr. Dings drags him further into the room, rummaging through his drawers and hastily taping up an eye chart. He gave some orders and Rus followed them, bringing in his home visit to-go bag as Edge tried to read off the letters that Dr. Dings pointed to while covering his unscarred socket.

"And this one."

Silence.

"...Is that a letter?" Edge asked quietly. "I thought it was a fly."

"Try the other eye."

He covered his scarred socket, and sure enough, he could see the lines more clearly. "M."

Dr. Dings hummed and waved him to sit, Rus taking a seat cross-legged beside him with curiosity in his sockets.

"Use this and try again."

Edge took the length of glass and covered his right eye again. "It still doesn't look like a letter."

The piece of glass was replaced a few times before finally it looked like a letter. Dr. Dings nodded and took the glass back, making some notes, before opening a drawer and rummaging around in what looked like a sea of glasses.

"These may work for now," he said, handing him some. "It'll make it a little easier. But you'll have to get some real glasses, at least for reading and driving. I can't _believe_ they let you drive like that, you're legally blind in your left socket." He looked at Rus, and then back to Edge. "...you gave up so much that day. And I never even thanked you."

"dad," Rus mumbled.

"No, it needs to be said. I'm so sorry for what they did to you, Edge--"

"dad, please, this is so old."

"--I was afraid if I brought it up I'd bring back unpleasant memories--"

"okay, that's enough, thanks for the glasses, we'll just--

Dr. Dings thwarted Rus' attempts to drag Edge away by stepping between them. "--but if you hadn't stepped in my son would not be here today and the way they treated you for it was appalling." Dr. Dings hesitated, and then offered his hand. "Anything you need, a hot meal, a roof, anything at all. My home is always open to you. My little bumblebee got to grow up because of you and I don't think I can ever repay you--"

"daaad!" Rus whined, taking Edge's hand as he started to go for the hand shake. "you're so embarrassing!"

Edge chuckled and allowed himself to be dragged away, waving apologetically to Dr. Dings as they left.

"I'll have your prescription in next week! If those don't work then please don't hesitate to come back!"

The closing of Rus' bedroom door cut off the doctor's voice and Edge shook his head as Rus groaned, locking it.

"I didn't have a problem with your father thanking me," Edge pointed out as Rus turned to start collecting the scattered papers. "It was nice of him. At least he likes me, last week I was the one who nearly killed you."

"when he healed me he saw there was no hp gone, since i'd healed up my hp already, so he concluded you didn't hit me on purpose or with intent. when i told him we were cool now he dropped the issue." Rus paused, looking up at him. "did you know he and your mom used to be best friends?"

"I did not," he admitted. "Pops doesn't talk about her much, at least not to me. I only know that she died when I was very young."

"dad said it was magic atrophy," Rus said, tapping the papers to get them stacked. "treatable, but the ethics committee wouldn't let dad treat her because of their close personal friendship. thought it would impair his judgment. so she got handed off to some human doctor that practically signed her death certificate before she even dusted."

"That doesn't seem right, they let him treat everyone here now and they're all close personal friends."

"yeah, that's 'cause your dad sued the committee and won. bought his shop with the money and now dad can practice how he wants. it's all whispers now but it was a big win for monsters." Rus stood, handing him the papers. "and when he stood against the people who hurt you? that was a big deal, too. apparently he used to be really progressive and stuff...i just wish i knew what happened to him."

"Me, too," Edge sighed, papers crinkling in his grip just slightly. "That's why I can't give up on him, Rus, why I can't...why we can't…"

"i told you, a secret is fine with me," he chuckled. "eventually we'll figure it out, right? for now, let's put those reading glasses to work."

"I've got a better use for my hands than leafing through papers," Edge hummed, setting them down on the desk and pulling Rus in by the belt loops.

"hmmm...okay, but after this we really have to study," Rus chuckled, pulling him in for a kiss and oh, Edge loved the way he tastes when he smiles.

He set his new glasses on the desk next to the papers. Seems being with Rus has more surprises in store than he bargained for, but who is he to complain?

He's starting to enjoy the crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continuing to read my entirely self-indulgent AU haha


	8. My Brother's Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red has had to make some difficult decisions in his life, but this one haunts him the longest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red and Grillby finally make an entrance, get ready for the feels!
> 
> Warnings: homophobia, abandonment, perceived abandonment, guilt

His bag had been packed since he was ten. That wasn't the hard part, he knew he had what he needed most and now that shit had hit the fan it was good he'd been ready for it.

But they were just kids. He was only fifteen himself and Grillby only barely older. They'd come out the moment Grillby had a license and a car, foolishly thinking that love and self-expression were all they needed. Red had regretted that thinking the moment he started arguing with his father--he'd expected to get kicked out, he'd expected insults and worse, but he hadn't expected…

...hadn't been thinking about Edge.

"hey, kiddo," Red said quietly, nudging his brother awake gently. Edge's sockets opened sluggishly, but he was smiling in a dopey, sleepy way as soon as he realized it was him. "hey, bro. listen, i...gotta go away for a while, okay? old man finally got tired of me."

The smile dropped from Edge's face and oh, this had been a terrible idea, how had he not thought about this?

"Why?" He asked, in that wide-eyed way 6-year-olds always ask.

"cause, kiddo, i just gotta," Red managed to answer. "look, it'll be okay, yeah? you still 'member that thing i taught ya? make an egg?"

Edge nodded, sockets screwing up in concentration as he formed a shimmery shield around himself. "This good, Reddy?"

"perfect, bro." Red patted his head the moment his shield dropped. "wish i could stay and watch ya grow up."

"Can't you take me with you, Reddy?" Edge asked, soft red eyelights wide in the dark. "I don't wanna be all alone with only Papa."

Oh, fuck, don't fucking cry, Red, be a big boy, you got this. Fuck, he took a deep breath and pulled his brother in for a hug. Fuck, Pops had been a hot mess since mom died, Red had fucking raised this kid, practically--

"Red, we have to go."

He closed his sockets, Grillby's soft voice cutting through the guilt enough to come to his senses.

"gotta read the kid a bedtime story," Red muttered. "then we'll go."

"...I'll start the car."

Grillby's quiet footsteps seemed to echo in the empty house. His father was gone, somewhere off drinking away the memory of kicking out his son and in a minute Red would walk his sleeping brother over to Dr. Dings' house for an impromptu sleepover with Edge's best friend, Rus.

…yeah, the Dingses will always be here. Rus will grow up with Edge, and Dr. Dings'll make sure Edge is fed and cared for. It's okay that Red can't take him, can't help anyone if you can't help yourself first.

"you need anything, you go to the dings house, okay?" Red said quietly. "i'll leave my notebook so youse kids can go on a fun adventure and find all my stashes, okay? like pirates. take care of rus, he's a good kid, gonna need someone strong to protect him, that's why i can't take you, okay?"

Edge nodded against his shoulder. "Okay, Reddy. I'll take care of Rus."

"good. i'll write ya an' i promise i'll always have a line for ya. i'll come back for ya someday, when i can take care of ya." He reluctantly pulled away. "where's that fluffy bunny book, eh?"

By the time Edge woke in the morning, he and Grillby were a state away in Grillby's car, a few things and some saved cash in a coffee tin, a dream of being together and no plan beyond getting the fuck out.

Only kids. They couldn't take care of a kid themselves with a future so uncertain.

But it didn't stop Red from feeling the guilt all the way to California.

* * *

"m'home."

Grillby looked up at Red over his coffee cup, looking haggard but happy in his robe. Grillby works nights right now, so his mornings are early evenings. The bar he bartends at is a safe space, Red feels most comfortable knowing he's there with the bouncers--even in California he can't bring himself to trust very easily.

"Hello, funnybones," his fiance hummed, his flames flushing bright pinks and lavenders, lovely symbols of his affections for Red even when he's tired and coated in grease. "How was work today?"

"pulled a cat outta someone's engine. lucky for everyone it was still alive, but it was pissed as all hell." Red shrugged off his coat, tossing his phone to the table and trudging off into the bathroom of their small flat to try and scrub some of the grease and oil away.

Took him a while to get over it, the way his face looked covered in grease. It was the only logical field of work for him, he had skill and knowledge and he enjoyed it, lucky he'd found a place that didn't mind a high school dropout. Twelve years later (God, has it really been that long?) and he's got his own place, and some rapport in the area. It was more metropolitan here, he got repeat business but it wasn't like working at his dad's place where you knew everybody and their mother. Nice and anonymous but also seen, and Red liked it that way.

He vaguely heard the phone ring in the other room, heard Grillby answer with a smooth tone. He wondered if he'd ever get that call, but maybe his baby bro had grown up to be the son he never was. Maybe his dad had gotten what he wanted, no more mistakes, no more disappointments, someone to take over the business and be all righteous or whatever it was that he wanted that Red just never seemed to fulfill.

But...twelve years and no call. Twelve years, his bro was an adult, he was graduating this year and all Red can think about is how he doesn't even know what he looks like, hardly remembers his voice and definitely wouldn't recognize it now.

He lives with the fear that maybe his bro didn't  _ make _ it to 18. That maybe he'd been sending letters and cards to a lonely old man in an empty house who had nothing. But surely  _ somebody _ would have told him, right? He got a letter when his great aunt died, even if it wasn't more than a few sentences and wasn't even sent by his dad.

"Love?"

"fuck, sorry, grillbz," Red mumbled, wiping his face once more with the rag, swiping away the last of the oil. "got a bad case of the memories."

"No, I wasn't...well, you're going to want to take this."

He turned curiously, and his partner was holding out his phone. An unknown number lit up the screen, but he recognized the area code.

He looked up at his partner with wide sockets, fearful, confused...hopeful. Grillby nodded slightly, holding it out a little closer for him to take.

"...hello?"

The other end crackled slightly, a poor connection at first, but then, clear as day, a deep voice with just enough of a hint of a voice he remembered spoke.

_ "Hello, Red. It's...been a long time." _

"edge?" He asked, his voice pitching up a little higher than expected, whoops, so much for staying collected like he'd practiced. "that you, kiddo?"

_ "Yes." _ Short, simple, a little pause and something mumbled he couldn't hear.  _ "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, I...somehow didn't expect this number to work. Didn't expect you to actually answer, I suppose. Tell you the truth I didn't have a plan for calling but Rus badgered me into it. Something about 'the longer I think about it the less I'll know what to say' or something." _

Red chuckled at that. Good old Dings, apparently got his dad's habit of being nosy. "still friends with the dings kid, then?"

There was a long silence, so long he thought he might have hung up. He was about to check when Edge finally spoke up again.  _ "He's the best friend I've ever had. I haven't always done right by him but I'm...trying to fix that." _

Red felt Grillby's arms wrap around him from behind and leaned back into his embrace with a little sigh, accepting the comforting feeling of his love at his back. So far there's been a lack of name calling and such so this is going better than expected.

"m'glad you have someone, kiddo. s'important in a town like that."

_ "...Red, are you happy?" _

There was a pause, and Red looked at Grillby over his shoulder. "y'mean in general or right now? 'cause right now i'm the happiest damn monster ever lived because i finally get to talk to ya."

A chuckle.  _ "I mean in general. Being...how you are, and with Grillby, and living out there? Are you happy?" _

"most of the time, yeah," he says, sliding a free hand over where Grillby held him. "life's life and it sucks sometimes but it's a helluva lot better'n that town. don't mean i don't have regrets, though."

_ "You regret coming out?" _ He asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"i regret...that i couldn't take y'with me. and by the time i was old enough to come back for ya, the lawyers said i didn't have a case since there was no evidence of misconduct on dad's end, not to mention it's hard as fuck for two dudes to adopt. but i wanted to, kiddo, i did, i wished every night i could fly over there and take you back."

More silence. He sincerely hopes he isn't fucking this all up.

_ "I often wished you could, too, but...I don't think I would have gone with you." _

"no?" Red pressed, his soul dropping. Here it comes, the hatred, the anger, he should've expected it the way his father is--

_ "I wouldn't go anywhere without Rus, I think. I don't think I'd be happy." _

...oh.

…ooohhhh! Red glanced into the mirror and made eye contact with his fiance, who only smiled softly back at him. Whether or not Edge realizes it, there's a good chance that he's in love with Rus.

Best to let him tell on his own terms, then, Red decided. No need to make him defensive.

"think you might visit, though? now that yer 18 and all and don't need permission?" He asked. "y'can bring rus, too. or we could, we could come down, stay a few towns away or something so's we can talk face-to-face? that's prob'ly easier?"

_ "...You'd do that? Come down here just to see me?" _ Edge asked, surprise in his tone.

"course i would, kid. wrote to ya all the time, didn't i?"

_ "I don't know. The only reason I got this last card was because Rus happened to see Pops throw it away. Who knows how many he's disposed of. But I believe you when you say you wrote." _ He heard shuffling on the other end.  _ "I think...you visiting might be nice. You can see my car that I rebuilt, just finished it actually." _

Red brightened considerably, and Grillby kissed the back of his skull before releasing him. "yeah? what kind?"

Grillby smiled and turned away. He wasn't needed, now, they seemed to be getting along well, much better than expected. They say adversity breeds patience or something cheesy like that so if Gaster's shit parenting made his love then he supposed it isn't out of the question that it made another stand-up kid in Edge.

He focused instead on getting dressed for work, unable to stop smiling as Red chattered on and on about cars.

This was the only thing he wanted before the wedding. This one last try, it's why they'd waited so long to set a date. And Grillby hoped, he  _ really _ hoped that it went well.

* * *

Rus lay on his floor, looking up at Edge on the bed with soft eyelights fuzzy with affection. It isn't often he sees that boyish delight in his sockets, he always thinks Edge takes everything a little bit too seriously, acts a little too mature.

But right now he's talking about a mile a minute, something about all the things that went wrong with Baby and all the quick fixes he had to do. It was gibberish to Rus, he knew next to nothing about cars (that was deliberate, after all, he needed a reason to keep going back to see Edge now didn't he?) but anything that makes his boyfriend light up so much is a great subject to him.

He can tell that it's going well, even with his huge headphones on to give them a little privacy. Edge had gotten decent grades on the makeup tests today, and with just a little more tutoring he could be well on his way to better grades--to celebrate, Rus had offered his phone. Can't call Red on his phone, after all, but he only hesitated a moment when offered Rus'.

Rus closed his eyes, let his music take him away, imagined what it must be like to be Grillby and Red, far away from here and able to be together without fear. He hopes they get that someday...but it likely won't be soon. Every day Rus is feeling more and more like maybe he wants to just be out with it, but he can't really do that without dragging Edge along for the ride. And the last thing he wants is to force Edge out, that'd be the quickest way to lose him.

He squeaked in surprise as gloved hands dragged him across the floor, practically into Edge's lap where he knelt. He chuckled, pushing his headphones off.

"all done?" He asked.

"For now," Edge hummed, leaning over him to give him a kiss. Rus sighed into it, gripping his shirt to keep him there. "He wants to visit. Stay a few towns over and we can make some excuse to leave town, meet them there."

"sounds good to me," Rus laughed, trying to catch the faint smile for a taste again. "soon as i get that beetle i can go anywhere i want."

"Overnight?" Edge asked softly. "They offered to get us a room. In case Red and I need a second day to get to know each other."

Rus hesitated, considering the implications of spending the night in a motel out of town with Edge. "overnight like a sleepover or overnight like…?"

Edge chuckled, flushing a sweet crimson. "Ah, well, I'm going to leave that entirely up to you. I was hoping a little  _ less _ sleepover and a little  _ more _ lovers, but it doesn't have to be sex, just...more of this, maybe?" He reached over and touched Rus' cheekbone gently, caressed it with reverence. "I'm not sure when they will come, so I don't know where I'll be on the subject, but I do know that...I know holding you all night sounds heavenly."

Rus shuddered under that gentle touch, the knee-jerk reaction of shame buried under how  _ perfect _ that feels. "yeah, it does. pretty sure we're too old for sleepovers anyway, at least the way they used to be."

"One day when we have our own home, we'll camp in the backyard and play pirates again," Edge joked. "We're never too old to do that."

"sap," Rus chuckled.

Edge leaned down to steal a kiss as he laughed, and oh, Rus liked that, he did. Someone tell his body his mind isn't ready for the next step yet because it didn't seem to get the memo, magic sparking down to settle in his pelvis.

"sorry--" he managed, before Edge cut him off with another kiss.

Oh, merciful heavens, the way Edge pressed back just slightly, just enough to know he felt it too, Rus was quivering with repressed need.

Thankfully Edge backed off at that moment, drawing back and smirking at him mischievously, drawing his own phone out as it was buzzing. "Don't be sorry, Rus."

As he answered, Rus sighed and flopped back on the carpet. Sex before marriage is a sin, masturbation is a sin, loving another man is a sin...As Edge hung up, claiming his dad had called and he needed to go, as he kissed him again, and again, and again with reluctance to leave…

...Rus wondered if anything he wanted was kosher or if God had a sense of humor when he made him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Edge calling him Reddy 😭


	9. Filled with the Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus and Alphys have always been friends, outcasts together forever. But tonight they get to be cool kids and go to the bonfire for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was looooong so it will be two chapters. Still working on the second bit so stay tuned!
> 
> Warnings: underage drinking (nothing too bad but it's a bonfire party in the south)

There's nothing more relaxing than end of the year cramming, Rus thought bitterly as he pored over his review sheets.

"sometimes i really wish i was in the remedial classes," he grumbled, flipping through his AP Psych book.

"I know what you mean," Alphys sighed, leaning back against the fluffy bean bag he kept around. "Less st-studying would be, would be nice."

"not like we're gonna make valedictorian anyway," he grumbled to himself. "not as monsters. always got that markdown on our papers for trivial reasons to make sure of that."

Alphys didn't answer, only sighed, the sound of pages turning filling his bedroom, broken only by the occasional buzz of her phone and then, surprisingly, his own.

He set his pencil down, unlocking with a swipe, seeing Edge's name on his screen.

**SkeleNextDoor:** Are you going to the bonfire this weekend?

 **(xxx):** me? king of losers? i wasn't invited.

 **SkeleNextDoor:** I'm inviting you now, you idiot. Will you go?

 **(xxx):** not together, unless a lot of people get cool with a lot of things really quickly.

 **SkeleNextDoor:** Come with Alphys. Undyne is inviting her.

 **(xxx):** like...how you're inviting me??

 **SkeleNextDoor:** Perhaps you should ask her that.

"Are you...are you going to the bonfire?" Alphys asked, as if on queue. "I know we usually aren't invited, but...did, did you get invited?"

"did you?" Rus asked.

Alphys flushed slightly, her scales taking on a bronzey-red hue as she looked down at her book. "S-sort of? Undyne, she said that Edge had invited his, um, his 'nerd tutor' s-so she would invite hers."

Rus turned in his chair, leveling his look of dubious scrutiny on her. "undyne, huh?"

"Y-yeah, I've been helping her with her, um, math work?" Alphys stammered, gripping her Psych book and holding it as if a shield in front of her. "Since she h-helped you out, with Darren that time, we've been, um, we've been talking more."

"talking like...chit chat? or talking like…" Rus slid out of his chair to sit cross-legged in front of Alphys, leaning in, speaking as quietly as he could."...the step before dating?"

Alphys' eyes widened, and that was enough of an answer for him even without the heavy layer of fear she exuded instantly. "I, well, see, we--"

"it's okay if you're gay!" Rus whisper-shouted, throwing his hands out in defense and not even thinking as he added: "i'm gay, too!"

Heavy silence blanketed the room and he blanched, cringing into himself as he withdrew his hands. He'd jumped the gun here, hadn't he? He'd gotten too excited and now he's going to lose his closest friend that isn't Edge--

"R-really?" Alphys breathed, relief evident in every syllable. "You mean it? You aren't, aren't pulling my leg?"

"no," he said, flushing and looking down. "i mean, yes i am gay, but no, i'm not pulling your leg."

Alphys removed her glasses, tears pricking at her eyes as she hastily tried to wipe them away. "Oh, Rus, I'm...I'm so happy I'm not alone! Oh, oh, I, I'm sorry, I shouldn't cry--"

"no, hey, it's okay," Rus hurried to reassure her, scooting closer so she could lean into him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and grabbed a tissue box from his nearby desk. "i get it, believe me, and m'sorry if you weren't ready for me to know."

"I prob...probably wasn't, but I'm glad you do," she huffed, accepting the tissue he offered from his desk to dab at her face. "And I don't, I mean, I'm not _sure_ about Un...Undyne. I think, I _think_ there's some-something between us b-b-but--"

"but nothing has been said yet, yeah, okay, i know the feeling," Rus chuckled, the not-so-old memory of Edge denying the spark starkly clear in his mind. "but she invited you to the bonfire, right? and i'll go with you, okay? maybe i can ask…"

He trailed off, hesitant to drag Edge into the conversation. Telling Alphys about his sexuality was one thing, they were close and he trusted her. But telling anyone about Edge wasn't his choice to make, and the euphoria of finding common ground with Alphys and coming clean to one more person was quenched by the realization that there are still secrets to keep.

"...i'll do some prying and see what i can find out," he recovered, giving her a squeeze. "sound good?"

"Y-yeah," she sniffed, smiling up at him. "But f-first, our AP test tomorrow."

"right," he chuckled, reaching up to grab his book from the desk. "first test, then bonfire this weekend."

* * *

Rus locked his Beetle, giving a fond pat to the hood as he and Alphys stepped into the weeds and onto the winding path to the riverside.

"Th-that's quite the upgrade," Alphys noted.

"tutors get a discount if it means he didn't miss his wrestling finals," he chuckled. "he's learned surprisingly fast, but then it musta been hard to learn when he needed glasses so badly."

"Think he'll wear them, ou-outside of class?"

"not a chance," Rus snorted, pushing aside a branch and letting her step ahead. The sound of laughter and music was growing louder as they finally stepped out to the riverbank.

Rus stepped to the side, surveying the scene, and Alphys hustled to join him, and they exchanged looks that held shared regret. They'd been so excited to be invited to something they never get to go to that they forgot how many people would be here, plus how much drinking and rabblerousing there would be. From where he stood, Rus could already see five people passed out, a handful of people skinny dipping, someone doing a kegstand…

"not exactly our scene, come to think of it," Rus chuckled, reaching down for Alphys' hand, in both comfort and a wish to stay close as they started to skirt the edges of the party.

"D-definitely not."

"Hey nerds, you came!"

Rus nearly buckled under the heavy hand that landed on his shoulder, struggling for breath as Undyne knocked the wind out of him with an uncharacteristic tight hug. When she finally released him he wheezed, reeling back as she turned to squeeze Alphys just as tight.

Edge's chuckle nearby was familiar and comforting as he gulped air, and the feeling of gloved fingertips dancing curiously down his spine had him losing his breath in a completely different way.

"Hello, Dings," Edge practically purred, eyelights flashing and his smirk amused, as if he hadn't just sexually harassed him in front of God and everybody. He pulled away from Rus' swiping hands and Rus knew he was flushing brightly. "Something wrong?"

"you--!" Rus breathed, looking around worriedly, only to find absolutely nobody was paying them any kind of mind. He relaxed slightly, gripping his arm across his chest defensively.

"Nobody is even looking at us," Edge said, flicking him gently on the chin. "If they are, they're drunk. They won't remember. Relax."

"still," Rus grumbled, but he took the invitation to step a little bit closer than he would normally stand.

A glance around showed that he had lost Alphys and Undyne, but Edge seemed to care about none of that as he started to lead Rus through towards the blazing bonfire.

"Drink?" Edge asked, indicating the table of cups and coolers.

"s-soda, i guess," he mumbled, and Edge chuckled, turning to search through the coolers.

"Be difficult to find that. Are you positive you don't want a beer?" He asked, and though it could have sounded pushy it really just sounded genuinely curious.

"here and now seems like a terrible time to start experimenting with alcohol," Rus reasoned. "i'd rather wait until i'm somewhere safe and alone."

"Alone?" Edge pried, handing him an RC Cola and reaching back in for a beer for himself.

Rus felt himself flush under that stare as Edge popped the top of his bottle. "...maybe not so alone. maybe with you."

"That sounds delightful," he hummed, his sockets hooded and his stare heated as he smirked again, taking a swig of his beer. "Don't put that drink down. If you do, get a new one."

"wha...what'll happen if i put it down?" Rus squeaked, following him as he stepped away from the table.

"Nothing good," Edge supplied, unhelpful. "What do you want to do next?"

"get far away from the noise and crowd, but i think that's missing the point of the party," he chuckled. "is this what parties are always like?"

"More or less. It's fun to drink a little and maybe wrestle some, and something scandalous always happens. Sometimes drunk idiots see how much I've drank and think that maybe they can take me, but thanks to my Pops and lack of a liver I handle my alcohol pretty well." Edge wound an arm around his shoulder long enough to pull him in and out of the way of a couple tumbling past them, and lingered a moment longer than he usually might before letting him go. "Someone always sneaks off into the woods, someone's caught kissing someone else's boyfriend, someone's always far too drunk and embarrassing themselves. Just how it is."

"and you like this?" Rus chuckled, cracking open his soda and taking a sip. "i think i'd have more fun in the hedge with you than here watching these train wrecks."

"In the hedge with me?" Edge hummed, leaning down close to him. "I think that could be arranged, you know."

Rus gasped as Edge backed him up against the nearest tree, one hand planted on the bark as he leaned in. His voice was an urgent whisper as he protested. "e-edge! there's too many eyes here!"

"Where?" Edge asked, leaning back slightly. "We've walked away from the party."

Rus peeked around him to find that, oh, they did, they really did, didn't they? The music was farther away and nobody in sight, helpfully hidden behind a large shrub. In following Edge they'd somewhat isolated themselves, and it helped him relax just a bit.

"oh," he said softly, looking back at Edge. "you scared me, you jerk. thought you were gonna make a move on me in front'a everyone."

"Wouldn't that be something," Edge chuckled. "Nobody would say anything to adults because they'd have to admit they're out here drinking, but everyone would know. It would be our class' biggest scandal."

"i'm okay not making waves," Rus snorted, glancing down with a blush. "i'd rather just leave quietly one day than be chased out."

"You and me, both," Edge agreed, his hand coming up to caress Rus' cheekbone. "I'd only ever tell you if I had the choice, you know."

"i gleaned that from your stubborn resistance to any kind of feelings for me."

"But you want to be out one day," Edge sighed, leaning back. "What if I'm never ready? What, then?"

"it's okay, big guy," Rus chuckled, patting his arm soothingly. "i'll never force you. even if i come out sometime you don't have to claim me."

Edge didn't answer, looking aside as if thinking, and then sighed, taking another sip of his drink. "Want to go further up the creek? To the swimming hole?"

"i didn't bring anything to swim in," Rus protested, but he fell in step beside his boyfriend anyway, "you don't look like you did, either."

Edge chuckled, taking his free hand and tugging him along the trail without further explanation. Rus laughed and tried to keep up, enjoying the spontaneity of following him somewhere--he could get used to impulsive Edge. Eventually the path turned, and Edge drained his bottle before tossing it into a bag someone had tied to the tree. Someone's attempt at getting people to stop littering, a valiant effort in Rus' opinion, but still he stepped on a few cans before going down the incline.

"You're so slow," Edge teased, and Rus squeaked as Edge took him by the waist and lifted him effortlessly down to the flat ground. "And light as a feather."

"you're just too fast," Rus countered. "...this isn't the way to the swimming hole anyway. where are we going?"

"A different swimming spot where nobody will bother us," Edge informed him. "Left here. I just want some time with you and then we can get back to the party."

"you know, if you want time with me you can just text me you're going to the hedge, you don't have to invite me to a--" Rus paused, blinking as they stepped into the clearing.

The more secluded swimming hole wasn't exactly a secret, but it was hard to get to and not really big enough for many people, so it largely got ignored. Tonight it was lit with twinkle lights, pilfered from their fort if Rus recognized them correctly, and a blanket with a small basket and a few folded towels.

"...what is this?" He chuckled, leaning back as Edge crowded in behind him.

"I think they call this a date?" He teased. "Though I've never been on one before, so who knows."

"...the party is the cover, to make sure nobody else would be wandering around down here. and if they do they'll be so drunk and loud that we'll hear them coming." Rus turned to him, crossing his arms. "you should have told me, i would have worn something cuter!"

"But everything you wear is cute," Edge countered, pulling him in by the waist and meeting him halfway for a kiss that Rus melted into. "I don't want to keep you in the hedges if I can help it."

"you seem pretty on the fence about coming out," Rus pointed out. "let me remind you that i'm not even close to ready...although i _did_ come out to alphys the other day on accident, due to extenuating circumstances. but! i didn't mention you! i mean it probably isn't the conversation to have at this moment--"

"Rus, be quiet," Edge said gently.

"yeah, probably a good idea," Rus sighed, covering his face as he flushed in embarrassment. "sorry. i'm ruining this date."

"Impossible. The date is incapable of being ruined, because you are here and I get to kiss you under the stars," Edge hummed, leaning in to give the promised kiss.

Rus sighed and kissed him back, hard, the bitter taste of beer on his tongue less shocking than he thought it might be. Edge crowded against him until he backpedaled, following his loose guidance to lay down on the blanket. It was nice to see the stars instead of his own ceiling or the hedge, it felt more romantic and sweet and everything he never knew he wanted from Edge.

The night was just beginning, and he had no idea what was to come, but his thoughts were starkly clear in that moment:

He loves Edge more than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	10. Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus and Edge enjoy their late night secret date, and all the temptation that comes with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been pretty focused on my other story but I thought I would give this one some love!
> 
> Warnings: the usual, also religious guilt over sexual arousal, but overall a very fluffy chapter

It felt like time went by too fast, and before he knew it they had finished the snacks Edge had packed in the basket, Edge was one beer deeper, the moon was high in the middle of the sky, and they were playfully arguing about swimming.

"Come on," Edge hummed, tipsy hands gripping his shirt. "We've done it before."

"when we were kids," Rus chuckled, flushing fiercely as he batted Edge's hands away. "skinny dipping has more...implications, when you're older. when you're dating."

"And? I won't hurt you," Edge said softly, cradling his chin. "I'd never push you too far."

"not afraid of the pushing," Rus sighed. "i'm afraid i wouldn't need any, and i'm afraid of regret."

"Would you regret it?" Edge asked, his voice quiet in Rus' audial canal. "Would you really?"

"...only swimming," Rus said firmly, pushing him back to look him in the sockets. "promise."

"Only swimming," Edge agreed, hooking his offered pinky before kissing him deeply. "What about kissing?"

"if you're good, we can kiss," Rus mumbled against his mouth, smile curving across his face. "if you're good!"

"I'm always good when I'm with you," Edge growled, pulling away with fire in his eyelights. He reached up, grabbing his shirt by the back of the neck and yanking it over his head before Rus could even get up from his lap.

Rus stuttered, pushing back and awkwardly tumbling off his lap because holy crap, that was so  _ hot _ , that is so  _ unfair _ , he could never look that good--

"Something wrong, Dings?" Edge teased, and Rus huffed, turning away, his cheekbones tinged orange as he pulled his own shirt up and over his head. He could feel Edge's eyelights on him, scrutinizing Intent layered under worry, and he realized he might be searching for self-harm marks.

"i've been good," Rus said softly, sliding his hands over his wrist scars and up to cradle himself self-consciously. "i promised, you know."

Edge was warm and gentle as he pulled him in, his kiss light against the back of his skull. "I know. I trust you, Rus."

"...get in the water, you sap."

"You first."

"what? i--no, no no, edge--!" Rus squealed as Edge lifted him effortlessly, one quick movement fishing his keys and phone from his pocket, and tossed him right in the water, shorts and all.

He splashed to the surface, gasping and grabbing at the edge of the stone drop-off.

"you asshole!" He gasped, as Edge exploded with laughter, doubled over and clutching his ribs. He wanted to be mad but he couldn't, not really, not when he looked so damn happy. "stop laughing! pfft, you're so mean."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Edge wheezed, straightening a bit and shaking his head. "Your face! You looked so sincerely betrayed!"

"i am!" Rus laughed, settling his feet on the shallower end of the swimming hole. "now my shorts are all wet."

"I thought you might be more comfortable if you kept them on," Edge said, leaning down to set Rus' phone and keys on the blanket. "Am I wrong?"

"i'm not chicken, i'll take my pants off," Rus scoffed, reaching into the water to fumble with them. From the corner of his eye he could see Edge stepping out of his own, and he tried not to let it distract him but holy hell was that hard to do. 

The water washed over him, licking his ribs as Edge slid in, and the rare feeling of his ungloved hands stopped him from fumbling with his pants further.

"It's alright to keep them on, Rus," he murmured, stepping closer, and Rus was already praying for forgiveness before he finally looked at Edge, naked and glistening in the water. "If it makes you comfortable."

Edge's eyelights wandered, he couldn't help it, the water glistened so deliciously on Rus' pale, damp bones. He kept his grip firm until Rus finally let go of his pants button--it was for Rus, of course it was, but also for Edge. He'd been confident in this game until Rus had pulled his shirt off, revealing so much of his slender frame that Edge had only imagined. Certainly they had gone swimming as kids, but it was different, as Rus had pointed out--he was older, he was...beautiful.

He had known at that moment that if he'd let Rus undress, then he might break a promise tonight and have a case of wandering hands.

So the shorts stay on, he decided, in his fuzzy, beer-buzzed mind, and he was quite proud of himself for thinking so clearly in that moment. Though the thinking didn't seem to give him any modesty for himself, and as much as he knows in his conscious mind that he's not going to push Rus for anything, he also knows he isn't shy or afraid of his body like Rus is, that Rus is sober, and that he's in no danger of being pushed from his end.

"You're so beautiful, do I tell you that enough?" He asked, eyelights lingering on Rus' own, soft white with curiosity and life.

How he loved that blush, the way Rus looked away for just a moment to laugh, as if a compliment was a silly thing to give him.

"you're ridiculous," Rus snorted, splashing him. 

"I'm serious," Edge hummed, tracing fingertips over his arms, down to his hands. "I've always envied you, so slight and gorgeous. Nothing about me is delicate, I'm cracked and calloused and ugly."

"that's--" Rus sighed, frustrated, before reaching up to touch Edge's face with both hands. "if you ever say you're ugly ever again, i will kick you. you're so handsome sometimes i can't even think straight. in fact, every single time i look at you i'm thinking very, very gay."

Edge snorted, and Rus grinned wide in triumph. "That was terrible and you should feel bad."

"nope," he said swiftly, leaning closer. "why should i feel bad for complimenting you and getting a good laugh out of it?"

"Marry me," Edge blurted out suddenly, catching Rus off guard. His hazy mind whined a weak protest to the proposal, his logic taking a backseat to his feelings.

"...what?" Rus chuckled, nervous, his eyelights dilating slightly as he flushed deeply, rich honey orange against the dark water. "you don't mean that."

"Why not?" Edge pressed, wet fingertips sliding over his love's cheekbones gently. "It doesn't have to be right away. When we're ready, Rus, when I can hold you in front of everyone without fear, I want to marry you. I love you, so much, love you more than the stars, more than the ocean, deeper than any swimming hole. God knows, he knows how I feel, he knows how he made us, and this is what I want for the rest of my life."

"edge," Rus moaned weakly, shuddering beneath his touch, his slow, heated kiss. "edge, i love you, too."

"I know," Edge hummed, kissing him again. "So say yes."

"we're only eighteen," Rus protested weakly. "just kids. we can't get married."

"We can get married right now if we went to the right place," Edge pointed out. "But as I said, it can wait until we're ready. I only want you to know how much I love you."

"okay," Rus whispered, shivering slightly against him in the water. The sound of crickets acting up around them, the fireflies starting to circle, almost like a movie. "yeah, yes, i wanna marry you someday, too. i want that."

The next kiss was slow, gentle, but the shuddering breath they shared warmed them quickly and oh, Rus' bones were smooth and slight and beautiful, he couldn't help but hold him closer as Rus tried to pull him in.

He made the right call letting Rus keep his shorts on, he thought vaguely, the texture of wet khaki keeping him grounded as Rus wrapped his legs around him, let him pin him to the rocks. They wouldn't go too far, he knows, he isn't that drunk, but the thought is there, the seed of curiosity. What does Rus look like naked? What does he look like when he cums? Just kids, Rus claims, but they're adults and they've loved each other for far longer than either of them will let on.

"stop--!" Rus mumbled, and Edge froze obediently, gliding back in the water to give Rus room to breathe. His boyfriend was bright as the Christmas lights that dot his house year round, the flush traveling down to his pelvis, very obviously turned on, and he turned away immediately. "...sorry. i thought...thought i might...just from that, that i might…"

He didn't say it, but Boss understood--his own magic was swirling impatiently, and he knows that Rus is more... _ reserved _ than he is when it comes to taking care of his own needs. More pent up.

"...We should get back to the party?" Edge offered, giving Rus the out, and his boyfriend hesitantly nodded. He chuckled,giving him a light shove. "I should at least put my clothes on, hmm?"

His laughter was reassuring, as was his blush as he pointedly didn't watch him get out of the water.

And if Edge caught his wandering eyelights running over him briefly before he dressed, well, he didn't mention it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor pent up Rus, he needs a release 🎉  
> So funny that Edge is more accepting in private and more reserved about going public whereas Rus seems so ready to come out and yet holds back in private...


	11. *God Doesn't Make Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Dings feels like it's about time he has a certain conversation with his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just for the funny and self indulgent solo act. I hope you like it haha
> 
> Warnings: religious guilt, masturbation, health risks, monster sex ed
> 
> Smut: Solo act 😉

Rus yawned, shuffling into the kitchen as he stretched out the kinks from his dead sleep. It had been a long night, a lot of noise and craziness, lots of watching people make fools of themselves. He hadn’t hit the hay until well after 3 in the morning, and besides his little date with Edge it hadn’t exactly been his scene, but it was nice to have had the experience. Some things you read about in stories, but never think you’ll actually experience, and even if he’s gonna leave this place in the dust he does enjoy getting to do everything a least once.

“Good morning, Bumblebee,” his father hummed from the table, going over the Saturday paper with his steaming coffee in hand.

“mornin’,” Rus hummed back, opening the fridge to retrieve the milk for his mid morning fix of Captain Crunch.

“Did you have fun last night?” He asked, and most kids Rus knew would pale at the thought of their dad knowing what he had done last night, but Rus was safe in the knowledge that his father trusted him to act accordingly.

“eh. not really a party person, so i’ve discovered,” Rus said with a shrug. “kinda nice, but, probably won’t go again.”

His father nodded in agreement, and Rus plunked down in his usual spot across from his dad with another yawn, stirring his cereal absently as his mind wandered back to last night, to the stars above and Edge, and the way his soul had pulsed with affection when Edge had kissed him. He can’t wait, can’t wait to leave this place, to be with him...but that seemed far off, yet.

“May I speak with you candidly about something?” His dad asked suddenly, drawing Rus from his thoughts as he folded his newspaper and removed his reading glasses to fold on top of it.

“sure,” Rus shrugged, chomping down on a bite of sugary goodness.

“I know there are some...shortcomings, in your school’s curriculum,” his dad began, haltingly, eyeing him. “Particularly in the, ehm, health department?”

Rus raised a brow at his father. Does he mean Health class? “i didn’t drink or do any drugs at the party.”

“No, of course not,” his father laughed, waving it away as if the very notion was ridiculous. Good to know he was boring and predictable, he supposed. “That, well, that isn’t the portion of health class in which I mean.”

“oh?” Rus cocked his head curiously, inviting his father to continue.

“I mean...reproduction.” The doctor sat up a little straighter. “I know they don’t really...include  _ monsters _ in that curriculum. And I suppose you’re smart enough to know that monsters do it differently.”

Rus set his spoon in his bowl, sockets widening as he realized what this “talk” was.

“Before you run off saying you don’t need this talk, just hear me out, please,” his father said swiftly. “I’m a doctor, and I’d rather you hear it all from me than from the internet or something, if you haven’t already. You’re 18 now, and I probably should have talked to you about this much sooner, but you can make your own decisions and I just...want to ensure you make informed ones.”

“dad--”

“Please.”

Rus sighed, pulling his hood up to hide his embarrassment. “...fine. what’s so different between human and monster sex anyway?”

“Well, there are some very key differences. For instance, monster babies are formed through a soul bond, and can only happen when both parties are ready for children. That much I’m sure you remember from the books I got you when Blue was born.”

“uh-huh,” he nodded, remembering the watered down monster sex ed picture book he’d flipped through at two years old.

“That being said, even though sexual intercourse isn’t necessarily required, it doesn’t mean you won’t crave it or engage in it,” his father continued, earning a wince and a grimace from his son. “Sexual arousal is, contrary to what the church would have you believe, completely natural for both humans and monsters. I know, I  _ know _ what the bible says, but son, I want you to listen very closely when I say those urges are  _ completely natural _ and, you know, taking care of them yourself is, well, just as natural.”

“ah, ah ah, no, nonono, we are, we are  _ not  _ having this conversation,” Rus squeaked, his face flooding with honey magic as he collected his bowl and spoon with a clatter.

“I’m serious!” His father said, following him up from the table and over to the sink. “Being pent up is bad for a monster’s magic, and  _ especially  _ someone with low HP needs to make sure it gets, well, released.”

“oh, god, i can’t believe i’m hearing this--”

“It’s more or less what killed Verdana,” he said firmly. “Magic build up, magic atrophy. It wasn’t exactly the same cause but believe me, Rus, when I say it could end up the same for another monster. She left behind two boys and a broken husband, because we aren’t  _ allowed  _ to express our magic in healthy capacities.”

Rus paused, looking up at his father sheepishly. Verdana, Edge’s mom, his dad’s best friend. She hadn’t been very old when she died, only in her high 20s, and what his dad said...made sense.

“...so you’re telling me i should masturbate, for my health?” Rus chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

His father chuckled in return. “Strangely enough, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“well, uh, great talk, then,” Rus said swiftly. “i will keep that in mind but also forget this conversation ever happened--”

“One more thing, Rus.”

He stopped, looking back at his dad with wide sockets, pleading for the end of this conversation.

“Monster babies can be born of any monster couple who have formed a soul bond.  _ Any  _ monster couple.” His father paused, for emphasis he supposed, staring at him. “As long as there is love.”

“...oh,” Rus said softly, gripping his arm and rubbing it nervously. “i, uh, didn’t know that. even if they’re both girls, or both guys?”

“Yes,” his father confirmed. “Magic doesn’t care. As long as there’s love.”

“but that’s, i mean…” Rus trailed off, unsure what to say. “the, uh, bible doesn’t say anything about that.”

His father smiled at him, a knowing twinkle in his eyelights as he patted his shoulder.

“God knows what he’s doing, Rus,” Doctor Dings said quietly. “He  _ doesn’t  _ make mistakes. And the bible, well...the bible was written by men, and men are flawed.”

Rus was quiet, looking away from his father’s sincere gaze. He doesn’t know, can’t really tell, if his dad  _ knows _ something, if he is trying to give him a chance to tell him, trying to tell him it doesn’t matter?

“...don’t let father bryce hear you say that,” Rus chuckled finally, patting his dad’s hand gently. “but, i appreciate the info.”

“I love you, Rus,” Doctor Dings said sternly. “You’re my boy, even if you leave one day. I just want to know you’re safe and cared for, that’s all I need. Alright?” Rus nodded, and his father sighed. “Alright. I’d better be off to the clinic, then, I’ll be back around three. Have a good day and call me if you need me.”

“i will,” Rus promised, waving him out the door. As he disappeared, Rus heaved a sigh, dropping into an empty chair.

Somehow, even though he spent the evening at a raging party, today is going down in his book of weirdest days of all time so far.

* * *

Rus paced his room, nervousness building in his nonexistent gut.

His dad said he should. His dad, the doctor, says he  _ needs to, _ for his health, and that the bible was written by men and men are flawed.

Monsters are different, he knows that, monsters have magic. God doesn’t make mistakes, he knows  _ that _ , and if God doesn’t make mistakes and he made Rus this way--

He sat heavily on the edge of his bed with a sigh. 

Okay. 

Well.

If it’s for his health, then it’s not wrong. Right? Some people smoke weed for their health, and that’s not bad. And like Edge said, what even is a sin, anyway? People sin all the time, work on Sundays, wear mixed cloth, use God’s name for atrocities in war and worse. Besides, is he supposed to believe none of those mouth-breathers at school touch themselves? That there’s any guy in church who isn’t guilty of that?

Yeah, okay. If he’s the only one withholding anyway, then it isn’t like it’ll matter. God doesn’t make mistakes, he wouldn’t have made Rus this way if he wasn’t meant to use it. If all he needs for reproduction is a soul, then why let him make genitals at all if not to enjoy them, right?

But he wasn’t about to do it here, where he would have to clean up. He’s had to clean his sheets after wet dreams before, and he wasn’t looking to do it on purpose. Instead he gathered everything he needed for a shower, that was a good place, the water would clean it all away anyway.

The hot water felt good on his bones from the moment he stepped in, and he sighed and leaned his head forward, closing his eyes and letting his thoughts wash away. New thoughts popped in, then, happy ones, memories of the impromptu proposal last night, memories of the way Edge looked in the starlight...how his bones felt against his own, in the water…

His magic formed without him fighting it, for once. It felt...good. Felt good to let it happen, felt good to touch it, eager magic practically jumping into his hand and oh, oh! All it took was one stray thought, one hazy moment of thinking about Edge’s strong fingers--!

He muffled his cry of pleasure with his free hand, magic unloading with a splatter, honeyed magic against the white tile and oh, oh, it felt  _ so _ good, it felt like a weight off his shoulders and he  _ did _ feel better, woah, he hadn’t realized he’d been feeling vaguely sick until it went away.

He shuddered as he withdrew his hand, drawing over sensitive bone as he went, his softening magic not yet dismissed. His breathing slowed, the shaking stopped, and he felt  _ alive _ .

And he didn’t even feel guilty, at all, for any of it, which made him laugh a little.

“god doesn’t make mistakes,” he muttered to himself, closing his sockets again, imagining Edge’s blush, imagining his infuriatingly handsome smirk.

God doesn’t make mistakes, and as long as there’s love, he doesn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rus needed that talk...and I think Dings knows more than he lets on


	12. Let Brotherly Love Continue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Edge to finally meet his brother. Is he nervous? Yes. But is he scared? ...Also yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to hear that people are finding themselves in this fic! I know it's pretty hard stuff but sometimes the struggle is where we find ourselves.
> 
> Warnings: mild discussions of death/illness, discussion of alcoholism and abandonment issues

“hey. relax.”

Edge huffed out a laugh that he hoped sounded amused and not at all nervous. “I am relaxed.”

Rus raised a brow at him from the passenger seat. “uh-huh.”

“I am,” Edge insisted, deliberately loosening his grip on the steering wheel. “I’m just meeting my brother and his fiance, who I haven’t seen in twelve years since he abandoned me with our drunk father. What would I have to be tense about?”

“he didn’t have a choice,” Rus reminded him lightly. “an’ he’s comin’ all the way back here t’see you, too. don’t you think that’s scary for him?”

“...Maybe.”

There was silence for half a mile, before they passed a dusty sign signaling the edge of the county. The last chance they had of being recognized. Edge tried not to snatch up Rus’ hand too terribly fast, but from the reassuring squeeze he received it was probably pretty obvious he was terrified.

“What if he hates me?” Edge asked, squeezing Rus’ hand back. “What if he thinks I grew up wrong?”

“you didn’t, and he won’t,” Rus reassured him. “if anything, he’ll probably feel pretty guilty. you know, the--”

Rus gestured to his face, and Edge glanced over to see it briefly before focusing back on the road. He hadn’t really thought of that, but now that Rus mentioned it, Red had left before the incident, before the crack in his skull. He hadn’t even thought to mention it, or anything about how he looked.

“...Can’t we just go back home?” Edge pleaded, meeting his boyfriend’s impassive expression.

“and miss out on a night of snuggles? i don’t think so, mister,” Rus teased, bringing his hand up to kiss it. “everything’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

“I hope you’re right,” he grumbled, pulling onto the exit to the rest stop. A modest diner and motel loomed in the distance, a trinket shop of some sort gathering dust beside them and a man selling fruit at a stand fanning himself nearby.

Rus reluctantly let Edge pull his hand away as they pulled closer, parking Baby in a sunny spot in front of the diner. A quick scan of the parking lot revealed that Red and Grillby were likely already there, if the impeccably-restored Mustang a few spaces away was any indication.

“Ten dollars says that’s Red’s car,” Edge mumbled, pointing.

“not takin’ that bet, m’not stupid.” Rus craned his neck for a better look. “kinda surprised they drove, though. thought they’d fly in.”

“I doubt Red trusts airplanes, he always hated them when I was a kid,” Edge recalled, opening his door and stepping out. Rus had barely unbuckled when Edge also opened his door, smirking at him as he got out.

The diner was nearly empty, a tired-looking waitress sitting at the bar next to a melting chocolate cake on display. It was quiet as Edge scanned for his brother, spotting the only other two patrons in a corner booth.

Red and Grillby both stood the moment they saw Edge and Rus coming, and Rus almost chuckled at the way Red kept looking up, up, and up, as if almost offended by how much taller Edge was than him.

“Certain you’re the older brother?” Grillby chuckled, breaking the silence first and earning a grumble from him.

“...hey,” Red said, giving a half-wave.

“Hey,” Edge answered, his arms awkwardly at his sides. He looked over at Rus, his eyelights seeking help, and Rus shrugged--he can’t have this conversation for him.

“Oh my, is that the Dings kid?" Grillby said quickly, interrupting the staredown to step closer to Rus. Edge bristled when Grillby slung an arm around Rus’ shoulders. “Look at you! What have you been eating? You're so tall now! Let’s let these star-crossed brothers have their chat, shall we? I have been  _ dying _ to check out that little knick-knack shop down the strip and Red  _ hates _ to shop. You’ll shop with me, won’t you?”

“oh, uh, sure,” Rus agreed, letting himself be led away, much to Edge’s apparent dismay. “i like knicks and knacks.”

"But--" Edge reached out futility, dropping his hand as they disappeared through the diner door. He turned back to his brother with a gesture of confusion.

"what?"

"Your fiance just kidnapped my--" He paused, a blush creeping to his cheekbones. "...friend."

Red raised a brow almost knowingly, but thankfully didn't say anything more on it. "sit down, order somethin'."

He followed the advice, sighing as he dropped down into the squeaky red booth. The menu was full of cheesy Clipart and pictures that looked like they were taken on an old Nokia cell phone, and the food greasy and comforting as expected.

"s'pose y'don't order the corn dog meals from the kid's section no more," Red chuckled.

"I try to avoid most of what is on here," Edge said honestly, flicking to the second page to scan through the pancakes and waffles for Rus. "Mostly because Pops has health issues as of late, so most of the things I cook have to be a fair bit healthier than what we see on a diner menu. Not that that stops him from eating at Miss Molly's, but you...probably don't want to hear about him."

"no, it's, uh. s'okay, if that's what you wanna talk about," Red offered, shifting slightly in his seat. "sorry t'hear he ain't doin' well."

"Oh, he insists he's doing just fine, but I think his alcohol intake begs to differ. Dr. Dings worries he's drinking himself into an early grave," Edge sighed, closing the menu. "I'm inclined to agree. Rus will want the honey pancake meal, and I'll have the Reuben."

The waitress took their menus and their orders, Red ordering a burger and fries and an egg scramble for Grillby.

"he wasn't always that way, you know?" Red sighed. "used to be a real dad, used to take us out with mom, to the park, to the diner. went to my boy scout meetings an' all that crap, too. sorry, guess i messed all that up for ya."

"No. I assume he was changed when Mom died," Edge said softly, folding his hands in front of him. "Did you know that Mom was best friends with Dr. Dings? Rus says that when she died, it was because they wouldn't let him treat her."

"i did know that, sorta," he admitted. "i 'member spending a lotta time with dings when mom was alive, and when mom and julie was pregnant at the same time, and rus was born so close to you? was a big deal. everyone was so happy. till mom got sick."

"Rus' mom passed, as well," Edge said thoughtfully. "We were eight. He was devastated. He still can't talk about her. I remember thinking that I was lucky I didn't know what it felt like, that I'd been too young to remember, but...I suppose it must have felt close to how I felt when you left."

Red breathed deep, looking down at his suddenly-very-interesting fork. "...yeah. guess i deserve that."

"But I get it," Edge said firmly. "I understand. Maybe I didn't always, and it still hurts, but...you had to go where you could be with him. You had to do right by him, and for yourself."

"just because dad an' i did everything the best we possibly could don't mean it didn't affect you in a bad way," Red argued. "even the best intentions can't remove the hurts they cause."

"You sound like Dr. Dings," Edge chuckled.

"been seein' a therapist," he admitted, a begrudging scowl on his face. "was grillbz' idea. well, more like a heavy suggestion. the kind ya don't have two answers to."

"Is it helping?"

"yeah, i think so." He looked up at him, a apologetic smile on his face. "i know i said it on the phone, but...sorry i couldn't take you, too. seems like you grew up okay, in spite of...everything."

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound the tapping of Red's fork against the table.

"...You can ask about the crack."

Red visibly relaxed, his face contorting into a mixed look of regret and worry. "thanks, that was killing me. what happened?"

"When we were ten years old, Rus was already five foot eight. Some older kids took exception to that in the schoolyard one day, for some reason, and I...didn't allow them to hurt him. He's...fragile. They had no way of knowing that, of course, he didn't  _ look _ fragile, but regardless, the church then took exception to the magic I used to keep them off of us."

"you used  _ magic? _ out in the open like that?" Red asked, surprise evident on his face.

"It was either that or watch them dust him, so yes, I used magic," he snapped. "And he tried to do the same when they were punishing me but he didn't have anyone to teach him how like I did. If you wish to suggest I don't do so again, I'll say you aren't the first for the lecture, and you may not even be the last, but you should also know I won't listen."

"no, no, i get it." Red put up a hand, and Edge sat heavily, realizing he had been puffing up like they were about to fight. "rus is important to you, yeah?"

"Important, yes, that's a way to say it," Edge chuckled, leaning back as the waitress set down a few of their plates and drinks. Once she had walked away, he took a deep breath, stabbing a fork into his side salad. "Another way would be to say...I love him. So believe me when I say I  _ understand why you had to leave. _ "

Red leaned closer, dropping his voice. "...he love you, too?"

"...More so than I deserve, I think," he answered, his voice so quiet almost he couldn't hear it. "You're the only one who would understand. You're the only one I can tell, yet."

"i won't tell," Red promised, and Edge could laugh at how serious he looked, doing the cross against his chest with his pinkie. "and if you needa roof, you can come t'us. we'll help."

"I don't think that's the plan yet," he said, setting down his fork, his salad untouched. His shoulders felt a bit lighter, and he took a deep breath. "We're just kids. We don't have a plan, really. Except maybe...marriage, someday. But that's it, and it's just...a thought. Not an actual thing, not yet, not even close."

"helluva lot more'n we had when we struck out, so, yer prob'ly fine. take yer time," Red hummed, popping a fry in his mouth. "awww, fuck, i  _ miss _ the food here. acceptance is nice n'all, but try findin' a decent biscuit west of Kentucky."

Edge had to chuckle at that, as the bell dinged over the diner door and his love came bounding in, an armful of preposterous items that Edge was sure he was going to have a love-hate relationship with. Grillby trailed him, a simple smirk as he followed with his own haul of shiny, wonderful, weird things.

Edge let Rus crowd him into the booth, listened to him ramble about his weird and "best ever" collection, and he's certain that even if he'd said nothing, his eyelights and small smile would have given him away in a heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know not as many people read this because of the content but I super appreciate those of you who do!


	13. *A Sin Too Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's a sin, the way they love each other. But Rus already loves Edge, and he has for a long time, so does it really matter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see this story is gaining some traction! Thank you so much to everyone who has commented thus far it makes me so happy to read them!
> 
> No warnings we don't usually see in this story! You know what you're reading by now!
> 
> Smut: gentle touch, heavy petting/dry humping, hand job, first times being sexual with one another, continued asking for consent

"What did you and Grillby talk about at the knick knack shop today?" Edge asked, setting his bag on the desk.

The room was cute, small, but well-furnished. Rus had patiently waited while Edge inspected it closely for signs of dirt or other "undesirable fluids and such", but he'd been pleasantly surprised at the quality of it. He'd been expecting a seedier place, for some reason, but as Rus flopped on the fluffy comforter, he saw no clouds of dust and so he had to conclude it was fine.

"we really gonna talk about me and grillby when you talked to your brother the first time in 12 years?" Rus chuckled, rolling over and setting his chin on his hand to look up at him.

Edge sighed, a small smirk pulling at the edge of his teeth. "Fine. We talked about Pops' health, a little about mom, and then...about this." He hovered a hand over his cracked socket. "...and about us."

"us?" Rus pressed, surprise on his face. "you mean you came out?"

"It wasn't anything so dramatic," Edge huffed, waving his hand. "I just told him that...I love you, and I understand that he had to leave because he loved Grillby."

"holy shit, edge, that's a big step for you," Rus said seriously, pushing up onto his hands. "you hardly even came out to  _ me _ ."

"Yes, well, not a huge risk factor in this case, is there? He isn't going to tell anyone and he's gay himself." Edge sat heavily on the hotel bed with a sigh.

"still, i mean..i haven't even told  _ my _ brother and we're a lot closer than you two," Rus pointed out. "just...good for you."

"To be honest, I was rather selfishly motivated," Edge said with a shrug. "I got a promise out of it. A promise that we have a place to go if...we need to."

Rus hummed as Edge reached up, brushing his cheek with his thumb with reverence. "things'll happen however they're meant to, babe. you don't gotta worry about stuff like that. you think red had a  _ plan _ , striking out at 15 with his boyfriend across the country?"

"I do have to worry about it," Edge insisted, bringing his other hand up now, cupping Rus' cheekbones. "Because I love you, Rus, so  _ very _ much, and I'm  _ going _ to take care of you."

"i love you, too, so much. but there isn't any rush for it," Rus hushed him, and Edge let himself be quieted, leaning his forehead to rest against his, closing his eyes and taking in the scent of him, the wordless crooning and gentle touch of his fingertips soothing him. "tonight we aren't held back by anything, right? nobody cares. we're nobody's business but our own. so let's focus on that, instead of a vague future we don't know yet."

"You're so...whimsical," Edge chuckled, kissing his forehead gently. Rus made a raspberry noise at the thinly-veiled insult, before quickly retracting his tongue before Edge's quick fingers could catch it. "Little shit!"

"yeah? what're you gonna do about it?" Rus teased, nuzzling up against him.

"You've certainly upped the brat levels since we started dating," Edge chuckled, and Rus yelped as quick fingers began to tickle his ribs, his weakest spot, and of course Edge knows every single one of his weak points, and before he could blink they were wrestling around in the bed.

"Let me--" Edge tried to get back to a good tickle spot, but Rus blocked him desperately, using his smaller stature to wiggle out of the way. "Hold still!"

"no!" Rus laughed, continuing to wiggle, swift hands blocking playful jabs. Edge was going easy on him, obviously, or else he'd never be able to stop him, but it was still fun to watch him try to come up with new methods of attack.

Edge's quick fingers eventually got past his blockade, and Rus squealed with laughter as he hit a particularly sensitive spot, and all at once it was too much tickling and--

Suddenly Edge was gone from his side, a small noise of surprise alerting Rus to something being unnatural about his disappearance. He peeked up, and to his amazement, Edge was hovering about a foot off the bed, looking at Rus with wide sockets of surprise. A dull blue light was barely visible through his shirt, spilling out at the top and giving him an eerie underglow.

With equal surprise, Rus looked at his hand, glowing the same blue color, and isn't that strange? He turned it, pulling it closer to look at it--

With a yelp, Edge came careening toward him, and they fell in a pile against the headboard. The glow disappeared and Edge very nearly collapsed on him in a pile of bones, only barely managing to keep his full weight off of him.

"What the hell was that?" Edge sputtered, leaning back to settle his confused look on Rus, who could only shrug in return, equally surprised. "Did  _ you _ do that?"

"i...i guess so?" He squeaked, carefully holding out his hand and looking at it. "i don't know how, i...how could i?"

"The same way you can teleport and I cannot, I suppose," Edge shrugged, leaning back and running his hands over Rus gently, checking him over. "Are you alright? I hit you pretty hard."

"i'm not the one who just did an exorcist impression. are  _ you _ okay? i didn't hurt you with that? it looked like i...grabbed your soul."

Edge hummed, patting himself, and then shrugged. No signs of any damage, so they both relaxed. "No, nothing broken here."

Rus put his hand on Edge's chest with a hum, feeling the steady thrum of his magic. even without it summoned, Rus had always been able to feel Edge's soul's presence in a way he never could with anyone else.

"Please, Rus, you couldn't hurt me if you tried," Edge reassured him, placing his hand over his on his chest. It wasn't strictly true, they both know that magic can be unpredictable and stronger than you'd think, but it did help, and as Edge brought Rus' hand up to kiss his fingers delicately, Rus sighed and relaxed, leaning back against the headboard.

Edge leaned in, and his kiss was so gentle, so sincere, it made Rus shudder as he moved closer, sliding into his lap and oh, yes, he likes this, he can see why Edge is always dragging him into his lap. His hands found Edge's hips, and though his boyfriend was still a bit bigger than him he didn't complain when he pulled him closer, didn't make a remark about tops and bottoms or strong or weak.

He didn't hold that position for long, but he couldn't care less, toppling over in a tangle of limbs, Edge's mouth hot on his own as he took over. Rus let his hands wander, just a little bit, over the small amount of bone exposed as Edge's t-shirt rode up past his hips. He isn't stupid, he knows what most teens would do in this situation, knows what spending the night together could mean if he let it.

Edge made a muffled noise of surprise when Rus' hand slid up his shirt, but was quick to return the favor, Rus' hoodie pooling high on his chest as gentle hands traced over his spine and ribs.

"One day, Rus," Edge promised, whispered against his neck like a prayer. "One day, this will be every night. Just us, free to be who we are. One day I'll get to love you out loud."

"no rush," Rus insisted, arching into his touch and kissing his skull where he could. "seriously, what's with this attitude like you're not giving me all you can already?"

"Didn't you see them?" Edge asked, leaning back and looking him in the sockets. "They're back in the south and Red still had his arm around Grillby the whole meal. They talked about their wedding, in  _ public _ . For Christ's sake, Rus, they  _ held hands _ . My best in town isn't even  _ close _ to everything I want to give you."

"...god, i love you," Rus sighed, eyelights little hearts for a moment as he pulled Edge back for another kiss. "quit talkin' an' kiss me, don quixote."

Edge kissed him, but he wasn't one to obey blindly. "Love you."

"love you," Rus answered, a hum against his mouth and oh, he tasted like a life waiting to be lived. He tasted like freedom, and happiness.

He tasted like home. He always had been, hadn't he? He was where Edge went to rest, to break down. He was where Edge knew he'd always be welcome, where he could be himself, unapologetically. In the hedge with Rus had always felt more like a home than his own house ever had and he wanted it forever.

"oh, shit, edge--!" Rus shuddered against him, and Edge could feel his excitement pressing against his hip, hard and warm and he'd never understood what all the fuss was about sex until he'd thought about it with Rus, never even felt the urge until he'd been kissing him. But now it was iron-hot, the need to be closer, the desire to kiss every inch of his body.

"Love you," he repeated, a mantra, both for Rus and himself. A promise and a reminder all in one.

Rus was breathing heavily by now, Edge's teeth stealing his breath. "love you, too!"

"Is this alright?" Edge asked softly, checking in just a little--he was loving this, but he didn't want to push Rus too far. "Is...am I going too far?"

"no," Rus reassured him, quick as a whip, grabbing up handfuls of his shirt to pull him back in. "no, it's perfect, this is what i want."

"You're sure?" Edge asked, his fingertips trailing down Rus' spine.

"positive," Rus said firmly, his face flushed sweet honey-orange and oh, how Edge loved that color. Anyone was likely to say his favorite color was red but they didn't know Rus' orange like he does. "not all the way, but...i want you to touch me? i'll tell you when to stop, i promise."

Edge believes him, Rus has always stopped him before when he needed to, and he's never been one to stay quiet when he didn't like something, at least not with Edge. The kisses continued, and so did the touching, to the great pleasure of both involved. Rus was practically pushing into Edge's hands, quietly begging him whenever he had a chance to breathe to touch him more, and Edge was inclined to agree--Rus' hands running over his bones were like heaven and a half, the anticipation for every touch rewarded with smooth bone and soft moans.

After a while there wasn't much talking going on, beyond soft requests for more as Edge kissed his way down Rus' body in worship. With every kiss he felt Rus' soul pulse, a rush of buzzing magic between every joint. He lingered a moment at his neck, enjoying the scent, the taste, the buzz...Rus had felt so much more relaxed lately, and also somehow more...alluring. Something about the way he'd been moving, the scent on him, less pent up, more...subtly seductive.

But he wasn't expecting the cautious movements that came next, the subtle grind of their hips together as his usually sexually-shy boyfriend strained for the friction. He caught his hip with a groan, grinding back against him, and he was rewarded with an absolutely delightful gasp as Rus threw his head back.

He kissed him again, and Rus pulled him in with it, kissed him deeply, and oh, wrapped his legs around him, and Edge could only answer with slow pressure, feeling Rus' warm magic through his pants with burning desire.

"Tell me what you want before I go absolutely feral," he growled, earning a breathless chuckle from his love.

" _ touch _ me," he said again, and Edge watched curiously as Stretch reached down and slowly unbuttoned his pants. His blush brightened as Edge leaned back to see better, but he didn't stop.

His hands now free due to Edge's retreat, Rus pulled himself upright a little, kneeling opposite him as he unzipped, letting his pants sag low on his pelvis as he pulled his cock out, so adorably  _ shy _ and yet his tiny embarrassed smile was enough to reassure Edge this really was what he wanted.

He isn't sure what he expected, he'd only ever seen his own, but Rus' was just so much  _ better _ than his, in his opinion. His magic, oh, that really is Edge's favorite color because it reflects so much of who Rus is. Like the honey he loves so much, golden orange with a touch of translucency, and Edge could stare at it all day, he really could. Not to mention he was always smaller than him, always lanky and slight and petite, but it wasn't reflected in his equipment in the least, if you get his drift.

"You're beautiful," Edge said finally, wrenching his gaze upward to his lover's worried, blushing face. "Can I really…?"

"yes," Rus said quickly, turning and dropping into Edge's lap like he always did, only this time he sunk into him heavily, his tailbone rubbing against Edge's sinfully hard magic in his own pants. "yes, please, please touch--!"

Edge hushed him, kissing his skull, catching a clumsy mouth as he pulled his glove off, trailing fingertips down Rus' body until he slid down Rus' impressive length. From the sounds he made, he must be doing something right, so he wrapped his hand around him, careful of his sharp tips.

"o-oh!" Rus squeaked, his hips lifting into Edge's touch. "ah, oh, edge--!"

He has no idea what he's doing, how could he? But Rus is enjoying it, and that's what matters, so he strokes him slowly--when he does this to himself, it's quick and dirty and hard, but to do that to Rus seemed like a terrible insult. Rus deserves to be worshipped, treated as the wonder he is, treated like the soft, lovely man Edge had always loved him for being.

So he goes slow, and he kisses whatever he can reach, and oh, oh,  _ oh, _ he memorizes the noises that escape his lover because nothing could be more beautiful than the muted moans and muffled gasps, the way Rus leaned so heavily back against him, the way he was covering his blushing face with his sleeves.

It didn't last long, his poor love was sensitive, so sensitive, and it wasn't five minutes before he was muffling a cry in those sleeves. Edge hadn't thought of the used magic, and it splattered back up onto Rus' clothes. Better clothes he can change than the bed, he supposed, but he was far too busy showering Rus in kisses to even think about that. 

Rus barely registered the barrage of kisses at first, still riding the high because oh,  _ oh, _ Edge's fingers had felt like heaven. When he helped himself in the shower, almost daily now, it was good, it helped, but in Edge's care he felt  _ safe, _ and  _ loved,  _ and perfect just the way he was. Edge's kisses were warm and Rus barely had time to try to paw at him before Edge took his hand.

"I'm embarrassed to say there's no need for reciprocity," Edge chuckled, flushing a little. "I got what I needed just from doing it for you."

Sure enough, there was a darker spot on his already-dark jeans, and his eyelights were hazy, diffused with pleasure as they met gazes.

"...we should shower, then," Rus offered awkwardly, and Edge hummed in assent, making no move to let him go in the slightest. "maybe, uh, seperately."

"Yes, I think that's wise," Edge chuckled. "Was that alright? Truly? I have, hm...no idea what I'm doing, if it wasn't obvious."

"it wasn't," Rus reassured him. "you seemed to know plenty from where i was sittin'. i liked it, a lot."

"Good," Edge purred, hovering a kiss over his temple. "Go on, then. Get cleaned up."

After a couple showers and some fresh clothes, they fell into bed, exhausted. Rus snuggled up close, delighted when Edge protectively tucked him against his side and drew the blankets up.

"we get t'cuddle all night," Rus hummed, excited, earning a chuckle from his lover. "and one day, we'll get to cuddle  _ every _ night!"

Edge nuzzle a kiss to his forehead, sluggish as he slung his arm around Rus' waist.

"No rush," he mumbled, gentle fingertips trailing over his skull until his sockets began to droop. "Love you, Rus."

Rus made a sleepy noise, his sockets finally too heavy to blink back open. He mustered just enough energy to say it back, and then it was time to sleep.

In Edge's arms, which is all Rus could ever want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh my boys! They're starting to grow up, get curious, and Rus is beginning to feel a bit more comfortable in his sexuality!


	14. Faith, Hope, and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to go home, but maybe one more stop first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get into the plot, maybe about 5-10 chapters left IF it goes how I see it in my head haha
> 
> Warnings: alcohol, drunkenness, mention of verbally abusive behavior

Rus didn't want to open his eyes today, no thank you. If he wakes up, then the night will have to be over, and he'll have to remove himself from the warmth of his boyfriend's embrace, and he'd rather not, thanks.

So he stubbornly kept them closed, even though Edge was beginning to stir and a stubborn strip of sunlight was shining in his face. He was rewarded for his efforts with gentle fingertips petting his skull.

"I know you're awake," Edge rumbled, and oh, his voice is _unfairly_ hot so early in the morning. "Let me see those pretty eyelights, hmm?"

"if i open my eyes, it's morning," he grumbled, nuzzling closer. "then it'll be over, an' i don't want it to be."

"Or maybe, it's a new day, and we still have the future ahead of us?" Edge hummed, kissing his forehead and Rus pressed into the kiss with a sleepy noise of contentment.

Rus cracked one socket open, and okay, the sight of Edge beside him in the bed, sockets hooded with sleep he had yet to blink away? Pretty appealing, even if it meant getting up.

"...mornin'," he said finally. "we gotta get up soon?"

"It's only eight," Edge informed him, drumming his fingertips up his spine. "We have the room until eleven. Red doesn't expect us at the diner until noon. We have some time yet."

Happy, Rus snuggled back in, and Edge pulled him in until Rus' gangly self was more on top of him than not, yep, that’s it, that right there. Rus sighed contentedly, and Edge hummed, his fingertips dancing over Rus’ light t-shirt to stroke at his spine.

"so, you decided about the wedding, then?" Rus mumbled, voice muffled by the soft fabric of Edge's shirt.

"I think I'll go," he mused, tracing down over his shoulder to the elbow. "I'll come up with some reason for it by then."

The obvious choice. Rus knew he'd pick that, he was just waiting for his gears to stop turning. It was all inevitable, it seemed--at some point they'd come out, at some point they'd move away, at some point they'd be together and happy. It was just the area in between that seemed so questionable.

"i'll go where you go," Rus promised.

* * *

The drive home had been so quiet, Edge was pretty sure a pin could drop in the car. He felt himself glancing over at Rus a handful of times, something nagging at him, not feeling quite right.

Rus was never this quiet, not for this long, not unless they were at school or some other place where he'd been forced to stifle his beautiful personality for one reason for another. The closer they got to town, the quieter he got, arms set against his window ledge and his head tucked into it, sockets half-open as his shoulders slumped with defeat.

It isn't exactly easy for him, either, to go back to where he had to shove all his feelings back down his throat. It had been nice to be open and unafraid, but now it was time to go back. It was simply something that must happen, but then, he had never been as sensitive as Rus.

He reached over, gently brushing his knee, and Rus brightened considerably, his smile slightly apologetic as he squeezed Edge's hand momentarily, before returning to his window sulking with a little less defeat in his posture.

Edge thought about saying something, but what could he even say? Promises about the future could only help so much when they don't have a time frame for anything. Instead, he made a quick decision, taking an alternate exit with twenty miles still to go to town.

"...what are you doing?" Rus asked, as they trundled off the freeway and onto a small road.

"I'm not ready to let go of today," he said, chancing a glance over at his boyfriend with a smirk. "Let's make one more stop."

From the sparkle in his eyelights, it seemed like Rus had an idea of where they were going, and his whole demeanor changed, shoulders straightening as he leaned against the window to watch the fields go by.

It was Saturday, but the field they were looking for was well-hidden and thus empty. There was a house a quarter of a mile down the road, where Dr. Dings used to make house calls, and Rus and Edge used to spend hours in the fields of wildflowers playing tag while the doctor did his thing.

They hadn't been here together since the day Edge's father had told him to stop hanging out with Rus, but it didn't stop Edge now. He pulled to the side of the road, and before he'd even cut the engine Rus was already out the door, darting into the field.

"Wait!" Edge called after him, a chuckle in his tone as he pulled the keys from the ignition. He locked the door behind him as he got out, turning to follow his boyfriend into the knee high grass and flowers.

As expected, when he caught up to him Rus was already at work, clever fingers dragging flowers through each other in an intricate braid.

"No flowers like these closer to home, are there?" Edge hummed, sitting behind him and adjusting to wrap around him and watch him.

"they're pretty," Rus agreed. "but most wildflowers have negative language. not bluebells, though, these mean constancy, or loyalty."

He leaned back against Edge, settling in with a small smile on his face. Edge could only smile himself, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his shoulder to watch him work.

He got up a few times to pluck a few other flowers to add, always returning to plop into Edge's lap. In the end he had a masterpiece, as always--and Edge said nothing, only sat still as Rus slipped it onto his head.

"Not exactly my color," Edge joked as Rus leaned back to look him over.

"ha, ha ha," Rus mocked, smacking him lightly. "you look nice in it."

"Soft things aren't really meant for me," Edge protested, reaching up to brush his fingertips over Rus' cheekbone.

"that's false, you got me," Rus pointed out, adjusting so his legs were on either side of Edge, his arms draped over his shoulders as he looked up at him with a smile. "an' there isn't any version of this story where we ain't meant for each other."

There was a pause, Edge actually at a loss for words for a moment as a blush creeped onto his face. He covered it poorly with one gloved hand and looked away. "...Sap."

His reward was a kiss on the cheekbone, and oh, yes, he could stay here forever, leaning into Rus' kisses, finally returning the favor. Rus tasted of the overly sweet syrup he'd drowned his pancakes in earlier, and the slight bitterness of diner coffee mixed with his own honey-sweet taste and Edge loved that taste, craved it when he didn't even realize.

They stayed like that for a long while, two young boys wrapped around each other in the cover of tall grass and flowers, a handmade flower crown sliding slowly off Edge's skull, and Rus' sweet words continued, answered only by soft pleas and promises of his own.

They weren't ready for today to be over, and so it simply wasn't.

* * *

"Yer back late."

"Believe it or not, there's traffic on occasion," Edge responded, sifting through the mail he'd collected on his way in. "Have you eaten?"

The silence was less Gaster's usual stuffiness and more a guilty one, and Edge could already see the to-go boxes from Miss Molly's diner in the trash. He rolled his eyelights and chose not to press the issue. Pick your battles.

He did, however, pluck the beer from his father's hand as he walked past, which earned a disgruntled noise from him.

"How many tonight?" He asked, setting the mail on the counter.

"M'a grown man--"

"A grown man with doctor's orders," Edge snapped, setting the beer beside the mail. "A grown man, and when will you start acting like it? A grown man needs his teenaged son to cook and clean for him and keep him alive? How _many_ tonight?"

Too many, from the way his father simply flopped back into his chair, furrowed brows as he sulked and trained his gaze on the TV. It was about as much of an answer as he'd be getting, so Edge grabbed the beer again, pouring it out and tossing it in the recycling. 

Once, Edge had been terrified of the sight of his father with a bottle in his hand. Once he would have fled to his room the moment he cracked beer #1 for the evening, and prayed he wouldn't come calling on him at all. His father never hit him, not once, but he was mean, and the words did plenty enough damage to Edge. He wasn't a Saint when he wasn't drinking, but he had a heart--Edge had seen him give discounts to single mothers, free work for older folks, or even tuck spare parts into the glove compartments of cars that he knew the family couldn't afford.

Since Dr. Dings had told him to cut back, his anger while drinking had been manageable. It helped that Edge was very nearly bigger than him now, and definitely stronger and younger. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but his father hadn't said anything too nasty to him in a while--save for the one comment about Rus a few months ago, he'd kept mostly to himself.

"Yer gonna leave me, too, aren't you?"

Edge paused, frozen in the act of picking up the trash on the coffee table. Gaster wouldn't meet his eyes when he looked up. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if…" Gaster sighed, picking at a hole in the faux leather of his lazy chair. "If you'll leave me, too."

The silence that followed was thick, nearly suffocating, as Edge stared, confused and shocked and how was he supposed to answer that? Of course he's going to leave someday. Even if he wasn't gay, even if he wasn't going to run away with Rus someday, he'd still eventually move out.

"...That depends," he said finally, setting down the magazine he'd been holding. "What do you mean by 'leave you'?"

"...Is Dings right?" Gaster sighed, so quiet Edge hardly even heard him. "Am I messin' everything up? Lord help me, Verdie, I tried but…"

He dropped his skull into his hands and...is he crying? Edge felt supremely awkward, sitting there while his father wept like a child repenting to their parent. Maybe he should leave him be? It doesn't seem like he's too sure who he's talking to.

"I'm not leaving," he said instead, and how that came out instead of what he wanted to say, he'll never know. "Not yet."

"I don't know what I'm doing, without you," he mumbled, and once again, Edge wasn't certain he was talking to him. "Why'd you have t'go?"

"Do you mean Mom?" Edge asked, curiosity too strong to just walk away. Gaster shook his head. "...Red?"

Silence. And stillness.

Then slowly, his father sank deeper into his recliner, and nodded.

Edge hummed, tapping his fingertips on the table. Sugarcoating things won't help resolve this, he decided. "Well...he left because you told him to."

"I told 'im to," Gaster echoed, his voice hitching slightly. "Yeah. I did that. I told him to leave. Didn't want it gettin' out. You know? You don't. I never told you."

"No, you didn't." Edge sat up straighter, looking his father in the sockets for as long as he would hold his gaze. Red had been mum on the subject as well, and Edge still doesn't know exactly how it happened. All he had was third and fourth hand accounts. "Tell me now."

Silence fell. After a few moments it became obvious that Gaster was done sharing, and Edge sighed, resuming his task of tidying the room. Once the coffee table was clear of bottles and wrappers, he hit the button on the recliner and the foot rest popped up to prop his father's feet up. Gaster trained his eyelights on the television, hands on his head as if he had a huge headache, and Edge let him have his silence.

Finally with everything tidied be Gaster set up to fall asleep in front of the TV, Edge was ready to head to bed himself, or at this rate, go sneak into Rus' room and hold him for just a bit longer.

But first, he tapped his father on the shoulder, gaining a grunt that showed he was listening.

"I'm not leaving. _Yet_." He stared down at his father and if he bothered to look he would see resolve in his eyelights. "But if you want me to stay, the change needs to come from you."

And with that he left him behind, his only company the sound of the three stooges bickering on screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to happen, walls are beginning to break down. How much does Gaster know?


	15. *Both Naked and Not Ashamed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rus has a suggestion on how to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some smut, my boys deserved some more touchy touchy! Back to plot next chapter!
> 
> Warnings: internalized homophobia, fear of the wrath of God
> 
> Smut: Frottage, inexperienced lovers

"you know what?"

Edge hummed, looking up from his book questioningly. In the afternoon heat, Rus had already peeled off his Sunday sweater and button-up, down to his tank top and nice khaki shorts. Lord forgive him, but Edge had the thought of tasting the glistening sweat on him as he looked over, that sly smirk on his face as he looked up from his own project.

"What?" Edge asked, when he didn't immediately elaborate on his thought. He raised a brow as he took a sip of his sweet tea.

"it's been over a week since you touched me...down there."

Edge sputtered, trying not to spew his sweet tea everywhere. "I...yes?? That's...accurate."

"well, it's been a week," Rus continued, returning to his antique radio, fiddling with the wires. "and i've yet to see a swarm of locusts, or get struck by lightning."

"God, I would hope not," Edge chuckled, wondering where this was going.

"so, i guess, it can't be that sinful," Rus said slowly, clicking a piece into place. The radio made a weak fuzzy noise and he sighed, shaking it a bit.

"My brother is alive after all these years, so no, I suppose it can't be," Edge agreed dryly, setting his sweet tea down. "Have you been worrying about this all week?"

Rus shrugged, a blush dusting his cheekbones as he doubled his focus on his radio. "...no."

Edge sighed, setting his book down beside the sweet tea. "Rus, come here."

Rus hesitated, before setting aside the radio and crawling over to the pillow pile to Edge's offered lap. The shadows of the leaves played across his bones and Edge couldn't help but think he was so beautiful like this, pulling him in by the hips.

"Have you been worrying about divine retribution all week?" Edge asked again, looking him in the sockets. Rus shrugged, again, bringing his fingertips up to tap at his teeth awkwardly. "Love?"

"i dunno!" Rus said finally. "maybe? like, i...logically, i  _ know _ i'm not gonna  _ die _ just because we did those things, just because i'm gay. but it's hard to ignore what we've been told all our lives, all the fire n'brimstone an' stuff? so maybe i was waiting for the fallout, at least a little?"

"Oh, Rus," Edge sighed, leaning their foreheads together.

"i know," he said, his hands sliding over Edge's shirt to cup his cheekbones. "kinda silly. but it didn't happen, so...i feel a bit better."

"That's good, at least," Edge hummed, giving him a gentle peck on the teeth. "Because there isn't anything wrong with us. We can't come out here, but we know, you know they aren't right about us."

Rus nodded, and then his sockets hooded, his smirk tipping up at the corner. "that being said, uh…"

Edge inhaled sharply as Rus pressed closer, a slow, purposeful grind as he leaned in to steal another kiss, a longer one, with more heat. Edge got his wish as the taste of Rus' honey-sweet sweat graced his tongue.

"...wanna do it again?" Rus asked, his voice low, nearly a growl.

"...We'll make a mess," Edge protested weakly, even as his thumbs gently traced the curve of Rus' iliac crests.

"so we go do it in my room," Rus hummed, nuzzling him. "dad's on baby watch at dinah and ben's place, an' blue went with'im."

"What are you thinking?" Edge muttered back, logical thought only barely clinging to him as Rus' warm breath ghosted over him. "Same as last time?...Further?"

"i dunno, maybe?" Rus shrugged, blushing as he leaned back. "...if it's you, it's okay."

"An 'okay' or a 'maybe'--" Edge kissed him sweetly. "--is not a yes, Rus."

"...yeah." Rus nodded, blushing brighter. "you're right. not yet, sorry."

"Don't apologize," Edge scolded, kissing him again, and again. "Never apologize for telling the truth when I ask for consent. I would die before I hurt you, and if I ever hurt you because you were afraid to tell me no, I would be tempted to dust  _ myself _ ."

Rus frowned, and Edge was sure he was weighing whether or not he wanted to comment on that. In the end he seemed to vote in favor of the mood, because he leaned in, kissing him hard, and Edge could feel his magic pressing against his spine through layers of clothes.

"Hey, now, I thought we were going to your room?" Edge mumbled between kisses as they exchanged eager touches, and hands that were so clumsy two months ago (had it really only been two months? graduation was soon, but not soon enough it seemed) when they had their first kiss were now so talented.

"we are. hold on tight."

Edge obeyed, not that he was likely to disobey that particular order, and there was a slight feeling of pressure--

\--his back hit a mattress, the sheets smelling of Rus and Edge could only blink, dazed at the sudden change of scenery around him. His only thought was that Rus must have somehow figured out how to teleport with passengers, which was amazing and would definitely be praised, just,  _ later,  _ when he didn't have to try to corral enough brain cells together just to process the sight of Rus on top of him like this.

"...Oh," he managed, earning a chuckle from Rus.

"i'd like to, uhm...i'd like to see yours this time?" Rus asked, and if his blush wasn't just the cutest thing ever--

"Yeah, yes," Edge huffed, sitting up a bit and dragging himself up to rest against the headboard. He pulled his shirt off, it'd be easier to clean up without it, and tossed it to the floor. Normally it would kill him to do something like that, but this time he just enjoyed the view as Rus mirrored him.

He was a little nervous. Was this how Rus had felt last week? He doesn’t think Rus will reject him, but Rus’ was so...beautiful. It was smooth and the perfect honey color, not like Edge’s, his blood-red magic could be a little off-putting even to him sometimes.

But he needn’t have worried, from the look on Rus’ face when he finally loosed it from his jeans. He’d never given much thought to the shapes that eyelights could make, but the hearts that flashed in Rus’ sockets, paired with his furious blush and obvious excitement, was probably the best he’d felt about his body in his entire life.

“can...can i…?” Rus’ hand hovered, and Edge nodded quickly, and then oh, the feeling of gentle, smooth bone over his cock was a pleasure he hadn’t known. “woah. it’s so thick.”

“I’m a little bit turned on,” Edge chuckled, teasing him for his obvious observation. Rus rolled his eyelights, looking back down at where his hands cradled Edge’s magic curiously. He groaned as he applied a tiny bit of pressure from base to tip, exploring. “...That feels so nice, Rus.”

“wait--”

Rus’ hand disappeared, eliciting a whine from his boyfriend, and Rus only chuckled himself as he shoved his shorts down. His cock bobbed free, glistening with a bead of precum as he scooted forward until he was snugly in Edge’s lap. Then he wrapped his hands around both of them, squeezing them together, and they both groaned in unison.

“i...i saw this in, uh...a fanfiction once,” he admitted, and he could feel Edge’s raised brow look before he even looked up to meet it. “sounded, uh, nice? not that i’m taking my sex advice from fanfiction, it’s not like i was researching or looking at porn or--”

“Hush,” Edge commanded, and he obeyed, and Edge gripped their cocks together, stroking slowly. “Like this?”

“y-yeah--!” Rus covered his mouth with his newly free hands, muffling a moan, and Edge’s other arm went around his waist and brought him in and oh, his teeth nibbled at Rus’ bones, his tongue…

“Is this alright, love?” Edge asked softly. “...You’re shaking.”

“i...i...it’s a lot,” Rus admitted, dropping his hands to grip Edge’s shoulders. “ah, fuck! i-it’s a lot but, i like it.”

“Me, too,” Edge panted, and they kissed, gentle and full of love and Intent, and Rus could only think about how much he loved Edge, how much he wanted to be with him forever.

They came at nearly the same time, a mix of gold and red splattering messily and they both flinched as it hit Rus in the chin. Edge managed to dodge a bit, breathing heavy, but poor Rus got the brunt of it from cheekbone down, over his ribs, looking at Edge in stunned silence.

Finally, he chuckled, and Edge also huffed out a laugh, doing his best to gently wipe the spent magic from his boyfriend’s face. “I’m so sorry.”

“no, uh, we didn’t know that would happen,” Rus reassured him. Leaning over to grab a box of tissues from his bedside table to clean up better. Edge took it, and Rus let him do the work, looking up at him sheepishly. “was that good for you? did i do okay?”

“I don’t know where all this worry about sex is coming from,” Edge sighed, finishing off cleaning his face and then pulling him in by the chin for a kiss. “But every moment I spend with you is the next best moment of my life, sex or not, so you don’t need to worry about it. Alright? I loved it. I love  _ you. _ ”

“...okay,” he said softly, and Edge didn’t believe for a minute this would be the end of this insecurity, but he would accept it.

“I think we should probably get you into a shower,” Edge offered, kissing Rus’ scarred wrist with all the gentleness he could muster.

The shower was shared, this time, in Rus’ attached bathroom, and it was less washing and a lot more naked kissing. Edge was worried at first, about pushing it too far, but Rus was definitely enjoying himself so he didn’t worry for long. One day, when they’re both ready, they’ll go all the way, but there’s no reason they can’t enjoy a steamy shower together right now.

Gentle touches made them shudder, as if chilled, even though the water was warm as the air outside the house. This Saturday they would graduate, and then, Edge decided, then they could start making plans. He wasn’t going to keep Rus waiting forever, but there’s no rush, either. Just like this, as they are? 

It’s perfect.


End file.
